Swing Me More...

I've heard many expressions and words that were used to describe the life we are living: some call it a box of chewing gum, others call it a box of chocolates. Some condemn their lives by calling it a roller coaster while others call it a never ending stream of pain. However, one of the most interesting ways to describe life is by comparing it to a swing:

Can't find the ground with my feet,
It's hot here and I can't stand the heat,
Feels like I'm stuck forever on this seat,
I call for help but no one is out on the street!

The swing keeps swinging; day in and day out,
Your voice is muffled by the wind; don't try to shout,
Nothing is certain so you hold on to doubt,
The fear is so dry; it redefined the drought!

Next to me lies an empty seat and I long for you,
It's sad how I sit alone although it's meant for two,
I kick real hard and somehow I drop my shoe,
Nothing changes: I'm on the swing, the sky is blue!

Forever I try to maintain momentum and adjust the pace,
Yet every time I close my eyes I see your beautiful grace,
With every kick I try to catch the memories, with every chase;
And every time I almost do, I'm haunted by your lost face!

On the swing and I am bored of swinging up and down,
One day with a smile, many others with a sad frown,
I take off one black dress to put on another black gown,
I play by the rules yet end up feeling like a clown!

The ropes of the swing are getting old,
It's getting late and it's getting real cold,
I cuddle up, I fold then unfold,
Just like any story that has never been told!

Tick Tock Goes the Clock!

"Tick, tock" goes the clock, round and round it goes,
It never quits, it never stops. Till when? Nobody knows!

"Thump, thump" my heart batters to a sound of unheard beats,
Noise is all around my thoughts in my room and on the streets!

"Woosh, woosh" the notes of memories creeping through my mind,
Pain flocks gently in my being, with no escape and no where to hide!

"Hahaha" I hear the laughs of those who know nothing yet assume,
Those who live on emotions which they manipulate, hurt and consume!

".............." silence; and I am here all alone, once again, so fully incomplete,
Down to the ground, down once again, can't distinguish my head from my feet!

Down the Memory Path

Photo By Terra Kate

Sometimes, memories of a time that seems so far away, almost unreal, come knocking at your door:

A time when your pain felt like a bleeding tumor... Or a time when you threatened to leave and begged to be free...

Those times when life seemed impossible and a smile seemed deceased and unthinkable!

Luckily though, we, human beings, are running against the tide of life, trying to make it through... Our daily struggles outweigh the painful memories of life and force us to move on and forget...

But at night, when we are all alone, without a breath by our side, a snore in our ear or even alcohol to numb our senses, the memories find a hole to seep through and tickle our imagination...

And somehow, for just a few minutes before we go to sleep, they take over us and seize our actual existence...

Whether good or bad... Cheers to the almighty memories!

Random Observation: Tangibles & Closure!

The more I think about it, the more I truly believe that there exists a very high relation or even correlation between tangibles - such as cars, mobile phones and so on- and closure between two people who have ended, or in the process of ending, a relationship.

The way I see it, after having been subjected to the situation and seeing others undergo it as well, tangibles constitute a large part of any relationship, regardless of its nature, strength or purity. The tangibles we have throughout the relationship start forming some bond with our partner during his presence in our lives. If we really want to move on, it only seems objective for us to replace all the tangibles that now remind us of that one-upon-a-time partner!

Let's take a car for example, you spend hours in a car together with your partner, you laugh, argue, touch; create memories... How hard would it be to go in your car, every single day, knowing that the person who you've shared all those times with, in this particular car, is now gone? Naturally, this applies to furniture, such as a bed or a couch and the list goes on!

To some, even a mobile phone could be the tangible to replace after replacing the partner!

I guess it all depends on the budget and the will to move on!

Leaving the country seems like the best solution to replace most tangibles at once, wouldn't you agree?

The Dictionary of Words You Left Behind...

Selfish: is what you are; it perfectly describes what you do and say!
Insensitive: as you ask about my life wishing to hear about more dismay!
Ignorant: of how I left you behind when my emotions you choose to display!
Naive: to think that after the pain you caused there's more room for you with my heart to play!

Love: is what I gave you once upon a dream when I used to believe in you,
Anger: is what I feel when I hear your voice acting to care and claiming to be true!
Confusion: is no longer there since I know what I want and it can never be you!
Sorrow: has vanished from my life, the life which you painted in tears and colored in blue!

Away: is where I want you to be right now,
Alas: for you that your voice lost its power to stir up my emotions somehow,
Never: will I forgot how you made me falter and bow...
Foolish: to think that you can once again my feelings try to plough!

Celebrate: your final success of erasing who you were once to me,
Finally: I can say, with all confidence, from you I'm free... I'm free!

Looking for A Home...(2)

I'm looking for a furnished home with the following specifications:

• 2 spacious bedrooms where love paints the walls, good memories are created and smiles echo in every corner.
• 1 cozy living room with couches that can comfortably accommodate family and friends, windows that welcome the rays of the sun with a new hope in the beginning of every day and curtains that will seal the anger of the sky on stormy nights.
  
• 1 kitchen with all the cooking accessories and a table in the middle with many chairs for one meal to bring us all together at least at lunch or dinner!
• A small garden where I can sit to write or just think, about happy times, and where roses tease me with their scent as soon as I step out and take a whiff of the cool breeze.
• A friendly neighborhood where morning greetings are a habit and not fake and where neighbors won't watch my every move, try to control me and mind their own business!
• A tolerating city in which I know I'm safe from eyes and judgments!
• A loving country which embraces me for everything that I am and everything that I can ever be...

If you can think of any place that matches this description, please don't hesitate to contact me.

I Bleed You...

I bleed you...
Like a sickness, like a cancer, like an infected tumor,
I hate your name, I hate your face, I hate your humor,
I should have run faster, docked lower, realized sooner!

I bleed you...
When the rage builds up inside of me as soon as I feel well,
When I think of all our crappy stories I will live to tell,
When I think of how I loved you yet wished you "farehell"!!

I bleed you...
Memories clenched inside of me like needles and pins,
Of endless fights where each of us loses and none of us wins,
Heart throbbing, nerves clashing while the head spins!

I bleed you...
Like a wounded soldier returning from a battle that was lost,
Scraped out of reality, hating love and disgusted by lust,
Wrapped with ticking bombs and echoes of dust!

I bleed you...
Colors of red, green, yellow, brown and a pinch of blues,
Different intensities, various shades and multiple hues,
In this blood I soak, I choke, I gag, I smother and I infuse!

I bleed you!
Inside and out I bleed and bleed,
All my warnings of scarring you did not heed,
Please don't beg for mercy, I hate watching you plead!

Phantom Organs...

December 12th, 2008

Loss has been one of the most intriguing and controversial topics discussed and written about in details and in numerous contexts and fields of expertise. It has been researched by those looking for some kind of answer, any answer, on how to fight this painful and recurring symptom that each of us will eventually feel at one point or another.

Sometimes, we try to find simple explanations for the sorrow we feel after loss. We search deep inside of us and in those around us to find ways to overcome our small losses and defeats. At others times though, things are not that simple that it’s way too complicated for us to understand what we feel after a great loss. It is here where the similarity between loss and the scientific term “phantom limbs” comes in play.

“A phantom limb is the sensation that an amputated or missing limb (even an organ, like the appendix) is still attached to the body and is moving appropriately with other body parts.”

Loss, great loss, can be easily related to such a definition:

When we lose someone who was really close to us, to life or to time, somewhere deep inside this loss remains to linger on if not throughout our lives then at least for a significant amount of time. Their presence might feel real at some times and their essence still alive. Although we do know they are gone, we still feel their phantom existence in almost everything we do and everywhere we go.

To take this discussion a step further, let’s assume that love is in our “physical organ”: the heart. Losing love is then equal to losing our heart. Therefore, we do live on to breathe and grow and experience life yet without the actual existence of the amputated heart!

To conclude, I urge you to always remember, “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”