Ejaculation!

Writing is another form of explosion;

It is a higher state of ejaculation;

It is a lighter meaning for hurling;

It is a form of exotic dancing;

It is self expression and soul searching;

It is the writer uncovered, naked and real... In a few moments of triumph, surrender and/or realization...

This is why I write... And this is why I will keep writing...

If the Heart...

If time is out of tune, then waiting will devour you,
If the sound is out of touch, then what can you do?

If the heart feels no love, then it is no longer a heart,
If you can see that the end is coming, then why even start?

If your eyes can't hold the tears, then eyelids are useless tools,
If you can't fight for what you want, the you are all fools!

If your lips can't taste their wine, then lips should be removed,
If souls can't feel joy, then the essence of life is utterly consumed!

If the pain is so painful, then the pain must end somehow,
If life is this lifeless, then I must get up and scream right now!

Divided We Are...

You and I, in different worlds we live, as one yet divided,
What to do next? Where to go now? It's always undecided...

You steal my smile and replace it with sizzling tears which tickle my sight,
Too long has passed that I seem to have lost my sense of wrong and right!

They blame me for you, their words, my heart, they penetrate,
Blinding me to my faith in love and pushing me towards hate!

Divided we are, you and I, no matter how close, so far we are apart,
I should've seen the signs from the beginning, walked away from the start!

Like bee stings to skin, your carelessness aches my soul as warm as could be,
You insist that whatever I do for you, you are you and I am, just me...

And as the music plays for my heart beats to dance in sorrow,
I inhale my misery and feel, simply, utterly and unbelievably hollow...

Divided we are, living as two, no past to look back to, no present to live,
Even the future has a dead end for us, regardless of all I have to give...

Replace Me...

There are billions of females out there,
Go ahead: replace me...

There are a thousand reasons for you to go,
After you, but face me!

There are a hundred blames you can lay on me,
Let your claims embrace me!

There are tens of tears you can drain from my soul,
And with your strings, lace me!

But there is only one heart you can break,
Then from your heart, erase me!

Take it All Back...

Take it all back just like you pretended to give it away...
Break me one more time, my heart is mutilated anyway!

Try to shake me more though you know that my grounds are trembling,
Go ahead, be like everyone else; shattering, painful and dissembling...

Talk about us behind my back, blame it all on my "bad" behavior!
You're just like anyone else, you put people down while acting like a savior!

Try to tame me and taint me more and more,
These tears I shed for you I HATE and abhor!

Take it all away, all those hollow nights, the empty words and all you did,
Take it all away, I placed a bet on us and I so sadly lost the bid!

You think you can play me? Just because you know how hard I collide?
You think you can easily abuse my heart because my emotions I can't hide?

Well "bravo" I tell you, you did it and to you I raise my hat in shame...
I'm not the victim here, I insist, I am the only one to blame!

I ache for the memories that were nothing to you,
I bleed again, I bleed for me and not for you...

As for me,

My apologies I extend to you because far from perfect I was and I admit,
Between the past, the present and the future, my damned soul was split!

I apologize for any time I caused you pain or any frown I drew on your face,
I apologize for allowing myself to be lost in your far from real embrace...

But most of all,

I apologize for seeing a family for me in your eyes,
For thinking that your smile is the cure for all my sighs...

I apologize for placing my happiness in your clumsy hands,
I apologize for laying my trust in your moving sands...

You made your point clear and now I must deal with this,
I just wish for serenity, not happiness, not love nor bliss...

Looking for A Home...(1)

Looking back, way back...
When I didn't have any white hairs whatsoever,
and my hair was still its natural color.
When I still bit my fingernails whenever I got frustrated,
and I had a low self-esteem that was inflated!
When I used to run around playing catch with the kids in our block,
and I only loved listening to only hip hop and rock!

Back then...
I was always looking for a home, somewhere I can belong to...
Searching for things in life that were real, that were true!
Never have I felt that regardless of where I was or with whom,
Every time something developed, there was a reason for wrong to bloom!

And now...
I still feel that I don't belong to any specific place or time,
When a blossom of hope flourishes I know a bell of sorrow will chime!
I still feel out of order, as if I am here by mistake,
As if falling into coma; not asleep neither am I awake!

I wish...
I wish I can find a place to call home and feel it from within,
A place where people's issues will not stoop my chin!
I wish I can feel at ease knowing that things will be fine,
Knowing, for a fact, there is no reason to frown or whine!

I ache...
In silence and unsaid words for I am too tired to speak,
My soul like crumbs of bread; traumatized and weak!