Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Human Condition!!!


Let me look at this as positively as possible and from the most "logical angle" I can see it from!

I recall the specific events of the past week and its ending…

I remember the state I was in, the pain I felt, the people who were beside me and tried to help, those who didn't care, the sales visits I had, the work I had to achieve in so little time, the written driving test, the events that happened there, home, the "family", the personal level and the tears, the previous things I have written and posted, and I deduce the following:

We, the human race, are so fragile! Our condition whether mentally or emotionally can not but entirely depend on others in the sense that we can be easily broken just because someone decided to "screw up" with our hearts or minds.

Don't tell me this can be avoided and that we have total control on our mental and emotional state because I would not be convinced!

Look at me for example, a very "cheerful" person in the mere sense of the word! I do enjoy laughing and being joyful and I love spreading this joy over those I care about. Then, all of a sudden, a stranger walks into my life and makes it all different. My happiness now, or even my well-being, becomes solely dependent on him/her. Why? Simply because I do believe that this life can not be tolerated except with that "someone" by your side and once he/she is, everything you do, every step you make, needs to depend or just relate to that person in one way or another.

To explain more, please look at this situation and its scenarios.

Situation: I had a bad fight with x in my family, I needed to talk.

Scenario A: I'm single, I call one of my friends and we talk, I feel better.
Scenario B: I'm in a relationship, I call my boyfriend, he answers, we talk, I feel better.
Scenario C: I'm in a relationship, I call my boyfriend, he doesn't reply, I feel worse!

Bear this in mind: We do not hold the decision of being fragile or not in our hands! So do not stress yourselves and strive to be what you can never be!
Only those who use their hearts for pumping blood and nothing else are those who will always prevail!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

One of My Favorite Quotes...


"There is no remedy for love but to love more..."
- Thoreau -

"Eternal Embrace" - Have You Ever Dreamed of This???


A pair of human skeletons lie in an eternal embrace at an Neolithic archaeological dig site near Mantova, Italy, in this photo released February 6, 2007. (Enrico Pajello/Handout/Reuters)
ROME (Reuters) - Call it the eternal embrace.
Archaeologists in Italy have discovered a couple buried 5,000 to 6,000 years ago, hugging each other.
"It's an extraordinary case," said Elena Menotti, who led the team on their dig near the northern city of Mantova.
"There has not been a double burial found in the Neolithic period, much less two people hugging -- and they really are hugging."
Menotti said she believed the two, almost certainly a man and a woman although that needs to be confirmed, died young because their teeth were mostly intact and not worn down.
"I must say that when we discovered it, we all became very excited. I've been doing this job for 25 years. I've done digs at Pompeii, all the famous sites," she told Reuters.
"But I've never been so moved because this is the discovery of something special."

Just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine said this about me to me:
"All this positive attitude you shine out to everyone is gonna eventually ware you down!"

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Games People Play!


I have been sunk in my thoughts today about a "hot topic" in our society, one which most popular amongst couples or recently separated ones; the games they play!
The way boys and girls and women and men deal with each other….
The more I think about it, the funnier it seems!
It is as if they are dancing Tango: one takes a step to the front and the other takes two steps back!
Or, it is as if they were cat and mouse, Tom and Jerry in particular: Tom follows Jerry and then when he is bored, Jerry starts running after Tom and teasing him!
Those people deal with love and emotions as if they were just "things" they can manipulate, ignore, give attention to, please, tease, at any time they desire!
They do not believe in the ability to love with no self-centered motive or give with no ulterior need for something in return!

Attention game players: One day your extra "lives" will run out and your game will be OVER!

الحب و السعادة
بعد صمت طويل همس: أحبك...
ثم أضاف: أريدك سعيدة، و أريد أن أرى فرحتك ترسم في بريق عينيك
لم تجبه إلا بصمتها و أخذت بيده و قبّلتها
و غرقت بالتفكير: ما هو الحب و ما هي السعادة؟
و راحت تستعرض معاني الحب في مخيّلتها و ذكرياتها
فلان يعتقد أن الحب المطلق هو شيء ليس له وجود
و فلان آخر يؤمن بأن الحب يقدّر بالوقت فقط
هي تشعر أن الحب مؤلم و جوهره الحزن
و هو يريد أن يبتاع الحب بالهدايا و الأموال
هم يقدرون الفرحة بعدد الضحكات
و آخرون يؤمنون بالفرحة الموقوتة
أما هي الآن لا يمكنها تعريف الحب و لا السعادة
فتشعر بالأسى و تستعد للنسيان

Waiting... Part (1)


Take a long pause, a deep breath, and think for a moment…
Did you ever realize that we spend all our lives waiting?
Waiting for the day to end so we could leave work and get some rest…
Waiting for the night to come to go out, see friends or just sit at home and spend some time with our family.
Waiting for that phone call from a friend living abroad, from a relative, from that special someone…
Waiting for a moment of peace and happiness…
Waiting for a better job offer, or even a raise…
Waiting to be heard, seen or noticed…
Waiting to love and be loved…
Waiting to start a family…
Waiting and waiting and waiting….
How long is it till we stop waiting?
God! We are even waiting to stop waiting!
Ironic!

A Small Revelation!


People always tell you: "love is blind"...
Well, guess what? Logic can be blinding as well!

Think about it!

Monday, February 05, 2007


فكرت
فكرت: هل سأستطيع أن أوقف جريانه في دمي؟ هل يمكن لي أن أنزعه من قلبي و وجداني؟
هل سأشفى منه يوما؟
هو: هو الذي بحثت فيه مرارا و بمرارة عن الأب و الأخ و العم و الخال والذي بحثت فيه أيضا عن وطن – وطن أنتمي إليه بعدما أصبحت بلدتي حطاما
تأملت: كان بإمكاني أن أنهي علاقتي به كأي علاقة عابرة تمر على عجل و لكن كيف؟
اكتشفت: الكثير عني و عن عمان: كم هي فارغة بغيابه و ممتلئة بألمي غير المتقطع... ألمي الذي أجده يخاطبني بأكثر من لون و لغة و لهجة
حقدت: على طرق الوحدة الملتوية، على ساديتها
ضحكت: على جنوني به و على تحملي لقسوته اللاذعة التي لا بد أن تؤرخ
رجوت: الدنيا أن تعلمني كيف أذكر اسمه دون أن يحترق لساني شوقا له و حسرة على الذي مضى
مللت: من أحلامي الموقوفة، تنتظر إذنا للإفراج عنها
وضبت: أحزاني و أوجاعي و همومي، جمعتها من عيناي و يداي و أطرافي...لملمتها و أخبأتها في درج المطبخ و أنا أهم بالخروج للقائه
أحسست: لقائي به غريبا، قاسيا، مسلوب الكلمات و مجرد من الراحة
قررت: أن أحيك له كنزه من أحزاني و مخاوفي و جراحاتي ليحتفظ بها مع باقي ذكرياتنا التي مضت و أمضي أنا في طريقي من جديد

My First Publication....




ان شئت أن أنسى.....تذكرت.. امتلأت بحاضري، واخترت يوم ولادتي....لارتب النسيان، فتتشعب الذكرى.هنا قمر يعد وليمة لغيابه

He Sleeps...


While he sleeps, I rest awake uneasy, unmatched, misplaced, out of order!!
Just around a hundred ideas run loose inside my mind and my sanity border!
The parameters of reality stretch further and further to unravel the truth of what has become…
All that was there slithered and fainted into the echoes of my misery's drum!
I still can hear his voice so clearly ripping up my hopes from inside…
The shrieks of chaos resonate while I try, soaked with burdens, to carry my stride…

I feel so out of words and out of sighs!
I feel the tension in my core rise….

"Are you the same girl who sat there next to her??" He continuously asked…
How could he, this stubbornness and callousness, so skillfully masked?

"…………………….." Those are the unspoken words that were never meant to be heard!
And now all the meanings, values and beliefs seem to be so distant and blurred!
I will retire now, to my bed of memories once more…
And pray that this furious sea of confusion will lead me to any shore…

A Mild Reflection!


Snow leopard cub Gul'cha (L), born July 8, 2006, plays with his mother Dshamilja in their outdoor pen at the zoo of Zurich January 17, 2007.

Animals... How lucky they are; they just have to worry about eating, sleeping and ******!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Reasons for The "New Blog Look"...


Official grieving & mourning due to a massive individual loss & let down...

I Wish....


I wish I had the "right" words to explain how I feel now…
I wish I had the time to tell you all the things I felt for you…
I wish I had the years to pass next to you without worrying about the days to come…
I wish I had the energy and patience to wait for nothing and everything at the same time…
I wish I had the answers to all your questions, if you ever needed to ask them, and I wish you had the answers to mine…
I wish things were like they were just a few days ago…
I wish I could have passed this without any pain or regrets…
I wish I could soften your heart and alter your head and thoughts…
I wish I was someone else at another time!
I wish I wasn't alone now, feeling hollow and so bitter…
I wish I can find my smile – I must have misplaced it in your car and forgot to grab it along with me, on that day, when I walked out, with all my broken hopes and dreams…
I wish my mind could just "log off" at least and my eyes would just shut open!
I wish my tummy wasn't as stubborn as my blood, which only accepts O+!
I wish time had stopped a few days back… When I had "faith" in love and a better day…

Reality Check:

Only rarely do wishes come true!

Action:

Deal with it!

لم يأت.قلت :ولن ........إذا...سأعيد ترتيب المساء كما يليق بخيبتي ...وغيابه :أطفأت نار شموعه .....أشعلت نور الكهرباء

A Salute to Memories!! Once Again...


I've been sitting for hours now, alone in my room again, just thinking about life, relationships but most of all, memories…

It is such a great dilemma that memories present:

Memories, especially those beautiful ones, spent with a dear friend, a relative, a partner… Memories of joyful laughs, true smiles, pure bliss and happy moments, how wicked and evil they can become! How much pain they can bring after all is said and done…

Whether the details were vague or clear, whether the moments were long or short, no matter what they resulted from, regardless of the place, memories, once they remain after the "LOSS", are just like sharpened spears that cut through our souls and existence… The single reason behind our happiness for hours, days or weeks after, becomes the main reason for our pain and the spiteful and dark nights relived later on…

I, again, raise my hat and salute memories, just as I did to life and its irony… I think I despise them both equally right now!

News Update:


I would like to give you a brief summary of what is going on today, February 4th, 2007:

1. Scores killed in Baghdad market blast.
2. Indonesia floods leave 145,000 homeless .
3. Colombia coal mine explosion kills 32.
4. A strong storm hits Amman.
5. A 24 year old girl suffers a painful loss.

News Analysis:

No one has planned for all those tragedies, all those who were killed and left homeless.
See? Life is full of crap which hits you from any place without further notice.
Did any of the above people know what will happen to them? And if they knew, could they have, I mean really, ran away from it?
Planning and planning and losing everything you gain will get you no where! Because you can never have the "right" plan and you will always need someone by your side.
No one can predict the future; no one knows if they will be alive the next day, no one knows anything!
I, for example, would have loved to have been killed in a car accident after any moment of true happiness, but it never happened, as you see! I am all alone, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Feeling broken down and so fragile!

Word of advice:

Hold on to what you have, do not just sit there and watch it go because people, in nature, only feel the value of what they had when they lose it. But sometimes, it is then when they can never have it back.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


كيف؟ و لماذا؟
كيف يمكنك أن تغلق عينيك و تنام و أنت تعرف مدى حزني و ألمي؟
أنت، يا من تبرأت لأجله من جميع خطاياي
يا من وهبت لأجله كل ما أحببت و كافة عطاياي
يا من ملكت تفكيري و عقلي و ملكتني بنظرة عابرة
كيف تنام أنت و تبقي دموعي حائرة؟
هل أكتبك لأنسى أم لأبقي ذكراك ساهرة؟
هل أهواك لأهوى أم لأضحك على هذه الدنيا الساخرة؟

The Moment of Truth!


What do you do when the moment of truth arrives, many years late, and knocks at your door??

I look at myself now, I look in the mirror, and all I see are sheer reflections of what I used to be and faded images of who I wanted to become…

My heart speaks an utterly foreign language that my soul can no longer understand…
My mind is in a constant struggle of what I want to do and what I end up doing as a result!

I grope on to the faith granted to me by those who truly care yet I grip the small hints of disappointments from those you wish me harm…
I am a muddle of mixed emotions running towards a big, plain and dark wall!
Knowing that I will collide right into it but not discerning how or when!

Back to the moment of truth, in particular, my moment of truth!

It seems to me that lately I have been running around myself in circles and steering away from logic and my own sanity continuously…
I hold on to the impossible and pursue the unattainable…
I give my self valid reasons at times when no reasons are valid enough…
I paint myself pictures of colorful hopes and dreams when I have nothing but black paints!
I wait and wait and wait… When there is no common sense in waiting…
I wish, I pray, I hope…. When deep inside I know that no good will come out from any of those…

How long will I linger behind that door afraid to face it all?
How long can I ignore the knocking, the knocking on my door?!
 

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