Down the Memory Path

Photo By Terra Kate

Sometimes, memories of a time that seems so far away, almost unreal, come knocking at your door:

A time when your pain felt like a bleeding tumor... Or a time when you threatened to leave and begged to be free...

Those times when life seemed impossible and a smile seemed deceased and unthinkable!

Luckily though, we, human beings, are running against the tide of life, trying to make it through... Our daily struggles outweigh the painful memories of life and force us to move on and forget...

But at night, when we are all alone, without a breath by our side, a snore in our ear or even alcohol to numb our senses, the memories find a hole to seep through and tickle our imagination...

And somehow, for just a few minutes before we go to sleep, they take over us and seize our actual existence...

Whether good or bad... Cheers to the almighty memories!

6 Billion, I Only See 1

I was just listening to a song which basically says: "I know there are other women out there, I don't need you to remind me. Yet, I still want to be with her."

A few ideas crossed my mind and I would like to share them with you...

The common cliche that people use to "comfort" others after a relationship dies is: "There is a lot of fish in the sea; you can easily find someone new."

While logically that may be a sound deduction since it is a fact based on the real number of the world's population, sadly, it is still not always the case. Sometimes, and maybe even rarely, the other fish in the sea hold no real value; thus they don't really count!

Let's assume you like salmon. It is your favorite fish! Let's actually assume you don't eat any other kinds of fish. Then, logically, all the other kinds of fish are not of interest to you, therefore, you have just eliminated thousands of the fish in the sea!

Let's also assume that you like the salmon grilled, not fried, not raw, just grilled. Here, you also reduced your scope of preferred salmon in the places where you might go eat it!

But there is more!

Let's assume that you are picky with your food and you don't eat pasta for example. You have again narrowed down your options to certain ways in which you could eat your salmon: salads and platters.

Let's also assume you have enough information about different restaurants that serve salmon. Here, based on your budget, preferred atmosphere and location, you have eliminated tens of options that were available to you naturally.

What I am trying to say is as follows: It is really easy to meet new people, find things in common with them, have a good time and maybe even develop some kind of bond with them. However, there are so many others factors that decide if those new people help you "get over" that one person that you have once loved so dearly.

Factors such as perception, feelings, willingness and so on play a very important role to where we face our own selves and on how easily or not we are able to make a conscious decision to stop liking salmon and move on to chicken!

Hunger is not a good enough reason: How could you be picky about what goes into your stomach but not about what goes straight into your soul?

Although others might disagree!

Enjoy your favorite dish!

A Hesitant Smile...

As tough as it may have been, and may be still, a hesitant smile so gracefully lands on thirsty lips.

Just a smile, nothing more, nothing less.

A forgotten treat, a not-so-guilty pleasure, just a smile...

Her face wonders, the eyes squint, while the muscles struggle to adapt... What is going on? They demand to know!

An inner sigh of brief relief... Followed by a voice, shouting out to the world, her inner world, to come out and dance... Scaring the tears away... If just for a while...

Just a smile... Sometimes that is the only thing we truly miss yet we don't realize its absence until it visits once again...

Room 602

Words... Don't they ever end?
&
Silence... Doesn't it ever get bored?
&
Thoughts: Millions of them, hovering around my squeamish head...

An empty soul & a full head: A great recipe for suicide!

Yet...
It never ends. It seems like it never will...

This whore we call life" breathing, hurting, breaking, taking...

Then the night falls, and a new day follows but things are the same yet different...

A cycle, a step, a tear.
&
Loss: of self, of being, of identity, in a forest of absolute nothingness...

In My Head...

In my head:

Thoughts of what could have been run wild and loose, and I wonder: What could have been?

A life untouched by faces, untainted by more thoughts of what could have been?
A family protected by love, guided by words of assurance and smiles for a better day?
True friendships that last longer than a lifetime, unaffected by anger, loss and despair?
A love which withstands the bumps of time and the little plots of the ignorant minds?
A place to call home, a place to which I run to after a long day's mishaps and hardships?

And then you read the following quote:

The unwillingness to forgive stems from wanting the past to be different from what it was.

... and you think: Why? Why wasn't the past different when it should have been? And how? How can we forgive when all we needed for a happy ending was to try, a bit harder, firmer and more willingly?!

The Sin of Forgetting...

Like a slap to the face,
An escaped embrace,
A haunting disgrace,
I realized that I had forgotten the most precious day...

Like a soul without a life,
A husband with a cheating wife,
A pain from a cutting knife,
I wept a stream of regrets that has come out to play...

Like another story with a bad end,
A truth that is too shameful to bend,
A love letter written yet remains unsent,
I begged the ache to leave, get out and go away...

For there is no bigger sin than forgetting what has changed my life forever,
What has broken my heart and stitched it back together,
So forgive me, "please", my heart pleads as true as ever...