Dedicated to the "Guys"!

In the midst of all the agony, melancholy and fear of what's to come...
You "guys" are always next to me, holding my hand, bringing hope, even if just some...
I'm blessed to have you in my life, you are the greatest gift that God granted me...
You help me go on, you save my spirit, you set my soul free..
If ever I am ever down and I feel so blue...
I know that I can always count on you...
You put so much effort to make me smile...
And you are pleased when I do, even if for a short while..
When I remember all the times we spent together, laughing, talking and playing around!
I feel peace knowing that at least, in my life, ture friendship I have found...
I wish you the best of luck, I wish you happiness and the greatest success...
I pray that no girl will come in your life and make it a mess!
I just woke up, I still feel sleepy, so I will end this now...
Hoping that all of you will read this somehow!

How Come They Don't See?

On a warm summer's night, as I walk loaded with thoughts and faded dreams...
I pull my head back, stare at the sky and how pure it seems...
A faint brush of calmness falls upon me and I smile...
I then close my eyes for a few seconds, or even a while...
I think to myslef: How come they can't see?
The beauty of nature that embraces me...
How can they just wander around aimlessly?
Without thinking of the harm they bring and the melancholy...
The trees dance for me, the stars shine brighter and the moon washes me with its light..
I lose all will to argue, all will to be mad or put up a fight...
I wonder again: Is it only me who can feel this way?
Can I be the only one who in nature feels like a child going out to play?
To nature I say thank you, for being one of my few real friends...
Providing me with comfort and ease that never stops, lacks or ends...

Scarmbled Thoughts...

I stare again at my keyboard, lost in an endless hollow...
Thinking of days that passed and ones that are yet to follow...

I remember him, as I always do, as every second of my day goes by...
With the fear that one day we will part and it would be the final goodbye..

In his eyes I saw innocence, one that he couldn't hide...
In his smile I felt real bliss, flowing from deep inside...
In his words I felt serenity, I felt at ease with the world outside...

Another step forward, another breath and another day...
Thinking and pondering why things had to be this way...

Loneliness fills my stride and I still try to be there and hold on...
Though there are nights when I honestly believe that all hope is gone..

I am my own heart beating in an empty room, I can hear the echo of each beat...
And when I'm overwhelmed with agony and pain, with pride, every tear I greet...

Another dream, another hope, another fear and another month to add....
I will not give up; I will fight for what I want, though I might feel alone, angry or sad...

Everything Burns...

Just heard this song on the radio, it reminded me of how I feel...

She sits in her corner
Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages
Feelings gone a stray
But she will sing

Til everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Til everything burns


Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
Too consumed in their masquerade
No one sees her there
And still she sings

Til everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Watching it all fade away...

Written By My Younger Brother... Really Beautiful...

"That One"

People are always searching for that one person that they want to love, worship and never want to spend a moment without. This person is never found. If you're lucky enough you might spot that person, for he\she are always there waiting for faith to do its job, a job that resembles a beautiful sketch, profound art. As one can say…. That one is always next to you whether it's when you gave out your first cry to the world as well as the rest of events through out your life. That single soul that you can never hate nor criticize no matter how hard times get. No matter what mistakes are done. Once you get upset from them you see him\her smiling at you and you forget everything that went wrong. You can't think of anything except how heavenly that smile is, but that smile can't always save you from your back stabbing immaturity and that's when you lose control. You try to make that person realize how much you love him\her, except there is no way to prove your never ending love. Thinking and thinking about what to do, driving yourself insane, the only thing that gives you comfort and keeps you going is that some day that one might realize....

Have You Ever??

Have you ever known someone so well that you can say the word that will come out of his mouth before it does?

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd do anything for them although you are sure you won't get anything in return?

Have you ever felt that the world was so small and you just couldn't breathe?

Have you ever seen your life fall apart infront of you and you couldn't do anything about it?

Have you ever woken up from a bad dream, shaking, shivering, crying and so afraid?

Have you ever experienced true happiness and lost it all in a glimpse of an eye?

Have you ever gotten scared of your mobile phone? Scared it won't ring when that "call" is supposed to come?

Have you ever been hurt, really hurt, and yet kept on fighting for what you want?

Have you ever knew what exactly you wanted in life and had no way of getting to it what so ever?

I know I have.... Yet here I am, still trying...

Speaking from Experience....

The words "masochism" and "sadism" are widely used terms... I am sure many of you have used them once in their lives or at least heard of them from a movie or maybe just read about them in a book...For those who have been lucky enough not to have gotten acquainted to them...
Masochism is:1. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
2. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
On the other hand, Sadism is:
The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from extreme cruelty.
Why did I choose these two words in particular to discuss here, today?
Well, honestly, I do believe now that many of us underestimate the human need to feel "rejected" or "not loved" from one time to another... This need arises from the inner need for pain and drama...
I will further explain:
Imagine this scenario:
A girl meets X . He falls in love with her and take care of her in every way she ever dreamt of... Yet, she still longs for "that other someone" who did nothing but bring her pain and make her feel so unwanted and insecure yet always stuck around to remind her of her loss...
The girl here is the masochist... She longs for, and may be even enjoys, these feelings of pain and longing... The way her tears fall down her cheeks every night... The fact that she can't eat or sleep...
"That other someone" is the sadist... He enjoys watching her suffer, hearing her cry and maybe boasting about the whole thing as well... Mind you, he will fall asleep as soon as he places his head on the pillow!
X is just a variable caught up in the middle of the chaos! (The Biggest Loser!)
I know many of you who will take the time to read this post might not agree, but as the title spells out, I'm speaking from experience and I do hope none of you see things the way I do... It's exhausting...

The Roles We Play...

On the stage of life, it all depends on how good we can act the roles we play, even though we don't always have time to practice them...

In the morning, we prepare ourselves to get started... (Of course, it's only at night when we don't actually act... We are who we are...)

We put on the correct costume for the role, whether the school uniform, a suite, a formal dress, or any other suitable choice, and we head out...

During the time we spend out, especially as employees (and sometimes as students), we learn to assume the tough personality, unbreakable role! We hide away our fear, exhaustion, sadness, pain, heart breaks.... And pretend we are fine...

We bury our soul and heart and only activate our brain cells! We switch of our feelings, emotions, wants and needs and focus on "what has to be done"....

Mind you, very few may notice that you are acting, because in reality, they are actors too!

Late at night, when we finally get to our bed (or maybe even someone else's!) and we take of the custome and retire from this tedious job for a few hours....

One of The "Good" Days at Work!

A Million Questions Left With Not One Answer!

Questions, questions, questions and even more questions!
That is what goes on through my mind all day long....
My head is a basket of question marks and my soul is a novel of unanswered issues!
What now? When? Where? Who? Why? How? and many others...

Wow, I just realized how long it was since I last wrote something about how I feel! I have so much locked up inside that i don't know where to begin!

I guess I'll try again tomorrow....

Today's Lesson!

Here is what it all boils down to:

Whatever you do, no matter how good it is or how hard you try, someone out there will still be unsatisfied!

So, what I learnt today is not to desperately try to please everyone all the time cause you know it's true what they say:

"You can't have your apples and eat them at the same time!"

P.S: I'm not depressed, I just had a very long and exhausting day at work, plus, I'm a little confused about many things in my life these days.... You see? It's a cycle of ups and downs, and supposedly, the steeper the downs, the more the joy the ups will bring!

Where is My Muse?

Sitting staring at the computer screen, thinking endlessly and aimlessly...
Looking at the keyboard, at the letters calling out for my fingers, for my touch...
It hit me... I'm afraid... I'm actually terrified!
It has been a while since I last wrote something new or added any of my writings on my blog...
As if my "muse" has left me... Bought a one way ticket some place far away from me and decided to settle wherever it landed!
Things haven't been easy on me the past 2 months or so:
The war on Lebanon, being stuck in Jordan, my new job, my new routine, my different life style... Everything is not the same any more... I feel alianted and confused... To an extent that makes writing about it almost impossible!!!
I used to take pride in my ability of writing when ever I'm stressed, angry, upset or hurt... And now, although all these describe what I'm feeling, they can't seem to provoke me to write!
I'm myself's tired mind... I crave for some stability and happiness... No, not even happiness, some content will do for now!

A Few Words...

To everyone who takes the time to look at my blog...
I was on a short trip in the past, thourgh memories and flashbacks...
And now I'm here again...
Missing every word I write! Missing every comment you grace me with...