Stray Thoughts...

I'd like to think of myself as a "good person", not by society standards since those have been flushed down the drain ages ago, rather by my own set of accumulated standards!

As a "good person", I expect bad things happening to me since I strongly believe that "bad things happen to good people". However, I don't claim to understand why this is the case, and I never think I would be able to!

Moving on...

In a world where female workers commit suicide from over working on manufacturing a product such as the iPad, and where others are butchered around the world on a daily basis just because they are women, I wonder: am I supposed to consider myself lucky?

Maybe, maybe not...

I think I will find out sooner or later!

On a different note, I've been seriously reconsidering my whole belief system regarding friendship, love and loyalty: have I been wrong about them all this time?

Does friendship truly exist? And if it does, has it changed its face into that of a creepy monster lurking in the shadows of the night?

Does love matter? Is it really worth all the sacrifices we make?

Is loyalty a two way lane or just an overrated concept that only applies to consumers in the product and service markets?

I wonder...

Her Last Words...

"The right time is now; this is the perfect crime scene," she thought..."Whatever happens to her now, no on is going to know about it, at least for days".

Smirking to herself, she continued to think, "no one will care any way!"

She did care though; she cared too much.

That's why, after some thought to it, she figured out what was missing in her master plan; the missing piece to the big puzzle... "I need to say good bye to everyone who has been there, put me down or hurt me... Everyone who made me feel worthless... Everyone who held my hand... Everyone who broke my heart... Everyone who has lied to me... Everyone who loved me..."

Therefore, she decided to write a personal letter to each and every one who left some kind of print on her life... By initials, so she won't embarrass them or make them too obvious!

The posts to come were those letters...

A Hesitant Suicide Note...

A while back, around 4 or 5 years ago, I remember writing a suicide note. I know what you're thinking: "Crazy!" It's your opinion. So maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

Come to think of it, the funny and equally ironic thing about that suicide note, which I remember very clearly now, as if I wrote it a couple of days ago, is the reason why I decided to write that note: A state of overwhelming happiness and safety, one which I was scared that this cruel life would steal away from me!

That suicide note explained the bliss and serenity I felt and how terrifying the thought of losing all that I had, all that I felt and the love that grew inside of me then, due to something out of my control!

Today, as I stand here trembling with fear of the mere thought of having to be threatened, humiliated, rejected, abandoned and marginalized, I think I have reached a new point of surrender: a point of no return...

It is one thing to die while your in love and your loved in return, happy, blissful and satisfied. However, it's another thing to die because your body began to cave in and fall apart, your mind is almost numb from negative thoughts and your heart is weak and feeble from the pain you are put through, day after day, and with no true reason of why this is all happening!

Lies, lies and more lies!

Deception, deception and more of it to come!

Ignorance, selfishness, carelessness...

Inflated ego, weak personalities, chains and no saws!

Now, after I thought this through, I surrender: I planned it all and prepared for the final scene...

I am finally relieved!

The clock is ticking and soon, it will be all over; for I have been all I can be and did all I can do for a big fat "NOTHING"!

May this soul of mine finally rest in peace...

P.S: For all of you out there who contributed to this final scene: May you get exactly what you deserve in life. You mocked my pain but your time must and will come.