A Hesitant Suicide Note...

A while back, around 4 or 5 years ago, I remember writing a suicide note. I know what you're thinking: "Crazy!" It's your opinion. So maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

Come to think of it, the funny and equally ironic thing about that suicide note, which I remember very clearly now, as if I wrote it a couple of days ago, is the reason why I decided to write that note: A state of overwhelming happiness and safety, one which I was scared that this cruel life would steal away from me!

That suicide note explained the bliss and serenity I felt and how terrifying the thought of losing all that I had, all that I felt and the love that grew inside of me then, due to something out of my control!

Today, as I stand here trembling with fear of the mere thought of having to be threatened, humiliated, rejected, abandoned and marginalized, I think I have reached a new point of surrender: a point of no return...

It is one thing to die while your in love and your loved in return, happy, blissful and satisfied. However, it's another thing to die because your body began to cave in and fall apart, your mind is almost numb from negative thoughts and your heart is weak and feeble from the pain you are put through, day after day, and with no true reason of why this is all happening!

Lies, lies and more lies!

Deception, deception and more of it to come!

Ignorance, selfishness, carelessness...

Inflated ego, weak personalities, chains and no saws!

Now, after I thought this through, I surrender: I planned it all and prepared for the final scene...

I am finally relieved!

The clock is ticking and soon, it will be all over; for I have been all I can be and did all I can do for a big fat "NOTHING"!

May this soul of mine finally rest in peace...

P.S: For all of you out there who contributed to this final scene: May you get exactly what you deserve in life. You mocked my pain but your time must and will come.

The WaterLine...

I just sit there and let my thoughts rise above my hate for your injustice,

Blessed are those who, like you, are damned with the the sin of carelessness...

It's a losing battle, a lame cause, those empty hollow moments we steal and share,
Cause at the end of the day, the waterline is rising, and all we do is just stand there!

The water reaches our ankles as the chills climb up our spineless spines,
I can still hear the tears bounce off the surface, I can hear the shouts and whines!

Your real need for detachment used to fit my aching need for attachment, and I stayed,
The strings of my soul you pushed and pulled, with my heart you flipped and played!

The water reaches our hips, it's getting cold while you stand there, no embrace to warm my trembles,
I fumble with the memories of how you sullied me and drove me to a pain which nothing resembles!

Your love was a lie, a hiccup in the calendar of your days, and you chose to mess me up,
You held my head tilted to the back, opened my mouth and poured in poison from your cup!

The water is touching our necks now, I know that I'll drown first, it's simple: I'm shorter,
You hold me close, threatening eyes warning me not to swim away, a grin like a mortar!

Into my nose the water creeps and I lose awareness; I can't feel my feet,
Our story ends, right there, as we drift with the waterline down the street!

Random Observation: Tangibles & Closure!

The more I think about it, the more I truly believe that there exists a very high relation or even correlation between tangibles - such as cars, mobile phones and so on- and closure between two people who have ended, or in the process of ending, a relationship.

The way I see it, after having been subjected to the situation and seeing others undergo it as well, tangibles constitute a large part of any relationship, regardless of its nature, strength or purity. The tangibles we have throughout the relationship start forming some bond with our partner during his presence in our lives. If we really want to move on, it only seems objective for us to replace all the tangibles that now remind us of that one-upon-a-time partner!

Let's take a car for example, you spend hours in a car together with your partner, you laugh, argue, touch; create memories... How hard would it be to go in your car, every single day, knowing that the person who you've shared all those times with, in this particular car, is now gone? Naturally, this applies to furniture, such as a bed or a couch and the list goes on!

To some, even a mobile phone could be the tangible to replace after replacing the partner!

I guess it all depends on the budget and the will to move on!

Leaving the country seems like the best solution to replace most tangibles at once, wouldn't you agree?

One Foot Out the Door!

You were so anxious to leave, you always had one foot out the door!
Every moment you ever spent with me felt as if you were doing a chore!

Whatever bothered you and we resolved was never really erased,
You kept a running counter for me for every little action misplaced!

I meant nothing to you, although you tried to act and say otherwise,
You had no concept of forgiving, you were ignorant of the word compromise!

I am made of love, to give love and breathe love, but not you...
I should have seen this all, I should have read it through!

Now your feet are both out and you closed the all the possible doors behind,
Damn it! I thought that this time I'd be more logical, maybe less blind!

Pride & Compromise... The Story of the Thin Line!

Introduction...

From Wikipedia:

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, is a classification of the most objectionable vices... It consists of "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride".

The Story Goes...

As it was told, a long long time ago, there existed a very thin line between the hideous sin "pride" and the beautiful virtue "compromise"...

Whatever people did, especially within the frames of a relationship, pride was always there to wreck and destroy the relationship while compromise did its best to conserve it and raise it higher, to a more elevated level...

One day, compromise felt really bad for all the problems pride was causing... It decided to go address pride, trying to bring it back to its senses and urge it to be more lenient with people...

Compromise said: "I do understand how powerful you are dear pride... I know that you have the ability to ruin relationships that are meant to last as well as end friendships and kill love... Therefore, I would like to plead to you and beg you, out of weakness, to be gentle on poor souls who don't know any better but to believe in you and follow you blindly"...

Pride sniffed, smirked then said: "You poor little thing you! Coming here to beg me to quit something I do not cause! People bring their misery amongst themselves... They know too much pride is bad for them, yet, they chose to submerge themselves it in... Even if I wanted to do something about it, and trust me I don't, I can't! People are given choices and whatever they choose is their path. Regardless of my will or intention, I have no power to change the path any two choose for each other; they must be able to do it themselves"...

Disappointed and sad, compromise said its goodbyes and left, wondering what will happen to the world with people's whims and sins in control...

With time, compromise started getting older and feeble, while pride managed to get stronger...

Too many love stories came to an end...
Countless tears were shed...
Numerous friendships were diminished...

And now, at our present days, the thin line between pride and compromise seems to be fading with compromise being just a word, stripped from all its beauty and stuck in the corner of the doomed!