Wherever we go and whatever we do, we are constantly being bombarded by the fact that: everyone around us is getting hitched! Whether it is a passing relationship, an engagement or a marriage, almost everyone is out to search, both hopelessly and endlessly, for his or her “significant” other.
To make matters worse, there is way too much emphasis placed on couple related occasions such as Valentine’s, New Year’s Eve and others, which is all the more reason for singles to feel bad and “out of place”.
So the question is:
Do singles seek to find love because they want to or is it just not socially acceptable to be single anymore?
As we all know, love and companionships are need that we simply cannot deny or ignore. All human beings have basic needs and right after food, clothes and shelter comes the need for love and belonging. But we also know that this particular need could be easily fulfilled through close family relations and solid friendships. So what is it that makes the need for “that special someone” so urgent?
Through research and numerous conversations with friends and acquaintances, it has become evident to me that most singles out there seek a partner through one or more of the following reasons:
• Overcoming loneliness: The “L” word seems to be the new excuse for most failing and troublesome relationships! Many females and males voluntarily choose to be in a miserable relationship over being alone and content! Loneliness has become the millennium’s new threatening disease!
• Seeking recognition: Many people tend to feel that the most satisfactory recognition is that which stems from the love of a partner. Neglecting other people’s opinions and marginalizing all other compliments and/or critiques, many of us tend to feel “incomplete” unless praised and recognized only by our “significant” other!
• Avoiding embarrassments: How many times have we been placed in situations were being single felt “wrong”? Many I guess. I remember once having my fingers thoroughly checked by a friend’s mother to see whether I was engaged or married yet! Or how about the times you receive an invitation with a “plus one” and you end up going solo or taking a friend just not to feel out of place? Being in a relationship, especially a “serious” one does help you get along better with your surroundings and it helps you “fit in” somehow!
• Desiring the “drama” factor: Trust me when I say: many people have a secret desire for drama and pain in their rather dull and monotonous routine! They seek to be in a relationship for the spices the drama of a relationship can add to their daily lives! I have also encountered people who create drama when it is not necessary out of the need for change!
• Feeling “old”: Almost 10-15 years ago, the “normal” age for females to get married was between 18 to 21 and maybe even younger. Although times have changed and women are being more involved with their careers and work, there is always that tingling feeling inside many of them which makes them think that “they are getting too old and they need to find the one before it’s too late”!
• Craving stability: Though many marriages are tainted with infidelities and painted with lies, thousands of people still believe that marriage = stability! Therefore, many women are ready to settle for way less than their standards in order to be in what they want to believe is a “stable” relationship in which they would be loved, cherished and respected.
• Wanting children: We all know that having children requires a marriage, this is how it is usually done and it is the only acceptable way of conceiving a child in the Arab world. Therefore, and especially for men in their late thirties and women in their early twenties, marriage has turned into a necessity in order to “breed”! Seeking love in this situation is not even considered! It is a matter of utilizing both the female and male fertility before it is too late!
• Needing financial resources: Yes, it is true although it is very well denied by most women and men: A huge number of males and females alike seek to be in a relationship simply because they desire having someone to play the role of “a banking account”! Here, the desire to be with someone depends solely on the financial situation! The “need” to be driven around town in a fancy car or to be wined and dined in a fancy restaurant has become, for many, a crucial requirement for the “perfect” match!
• Longing for intimacy: Wanting someone to hold, cuddle and spoil you is a need that cannot be denied! The only acceptable way to have that is through being in a serious relationship!
• Escaping reality: Needing a vent or a shoulder to cry on when the world seems too rough to handle alone is a job that many tend to think is that of a partner. Although we may have many friends and a few close ones, the need to be comforted by a “special” someone is always there! Sometimes no amount of friends can fill in the place of having someone you love hold you and tell you: Everything is going to be alright.
• Seeking attention: Many men look to be with a partner, a pretty one in precise, in order to get the attention they lack from their peers and their society as well! Women also share that trait yet in a lower percentage!
So now, after listing all the possible scenarios for this subject at hand, the question remains: do singles really “need” to be in relationships? Or are they cordially forced into them due to the pressures of society and lack of money, self-esteem, confidence and appreciation?
To make matters worse, there is way too much emphasis placed on couple related occasions such as Valentine’s, New Year’s Eve and others, which is all the more reason for singles to feel bad and “out of place”.
So the question is:
Do singles seek to find love because they want to or is it just not socially acceptable to be single anymore?
As we all know, love and companionships are need that we simply cannot deny or ignore. All human beings have basic needs and right after food, clothes and shelter comes the need for love and belonging. But we also know that this particular need could be easily fulfilled through close family relations and solid friendships. So what is it that makes the need for “that special someone” so urgent?
Through research and numerous conversations with friends and acquaintances, it has become evident to me that most singles out there seek a partner through one or more of the following reasons:
• Overcoming loneliness: The “L” word seems to be the new excuse for most failing and troublesome relationships! Many females and males voluntarily choose to be in a miserable relationship over being alone and content! Loneliness has become the millennium’s new threatening disease!
• Seeking recognition: Many people tend to feel that the most satisfactory recognition is that which stems from the love of a partner. Neglecting other people’s opinions and marginalizing all other compliments and/or critiques, many of us tend to feel “incomplete” unless praised and recognized only by our “significant” other!
• Avoiding embarrassments: How many times have we been placed in situations were being single felt “wrong”? Many I guess. I remember once having my fingers thoroughly checked by a friend’s mother to see whether I was engaged or married yet! Or how about the times you receive an invitation with a “plus one” and you end up going solo or taking a friend just not to feel out of place? Being in a relationship, especially a “serious” one does help you get along better with your surroundings and it helps you “fit in” somehow!
• Desiring the “drama” factor: Trust me when I say: many people have a secret desire for drama and pain in their rather dull and monotonous routine! They seek to be in a relationship for the spices the drama of a relationship can add to their daily lives! I have also encountered people who create drama when it is not necessary out of the need for change!
• Feeling “old”: Almost 10-15 years ago, the “normal” age for females to get married was between 18 to 21 and maybe even younger. Although times have changed and women are being more involved with their careers and work, there is always that tingling feeling inside many of them which makes them think that “they are getting too old and they need to find the one before it’s too late”!
• Craving stability: Though many marriages are tainted with infidelities and painted with lies, thousands of people still believe that marriage = stability! Therefore, many women are ready to settle for way less than their standards in order to be in what they want to believe is a “stable” relationship in which they would be loved, cherished and respected.
• Wanting children: We all know that having children requires a marriage, this is how it is usually done and it is the only acceptable way of conceiving a child in the Arab world. Therefore, and especially for men in their late thirties and women in their early twenties, marriage has turned into a necessity in order to “breed”! Seeking love in this situation is not even considered! It is a matter of utilizing both the female and male fertility before it is too late!
• Needing financial resources: Yes, it is true although it is very well denied by most women and men: A huge number of males and females alike seek to be in a relationship simply because they desire having someone to play the role of “a banking account”! Here, the desire to be with someone depends solely on the financial situation! The “need” to be driven around town in a fancy car or to be wined and dined in a fancy restaurant has become, for many, a crucial requirement for the “perfect” match!
• Longing for intimacy: Wanting someone to hold, cuddle and spoil you is a need that cannot be denied! The only acceptable way to have that is through being in a serious relationship!
• Escaping reality: Needing a vent or a shoulder to cry on when the world seems too rough to handle alone is a job that many tend to think is that of a partner. Although we may have many friends and a few close ones, the need to be comforted by a “special” someone is always there! Sometimes no amount of friends can fill in the place of having someone you love hold you and tell you: Everything is going to be alright.
• Seeking attention: Many men look to be with a partner, a pretty one in precise, in order to get the attention they lack from their peers and their society as well! Women also share that trait yet in a lower percentage!
So now, after listing all the possible scenarios for this subject at hand, the question remains: do singles really “need” to be in relationships? Or are they cordially forced into them due to the pressures of society and lack of money, self-esteem, confidence and appreciation?
1 comments:
Very nice post..
Well in every relation I've experienced, the "need" controlled it.. My heart and mind demanded such kind of relations.. when finally I was truly in love with some1 coz he deserves love and coz he made that sudden appearance in my life, I found out after years that his heart demanded love and care..not me in particular :-(
too sad, but c'est la vie :-)
Clueless..
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