And I Keep on Running...

Have you ever felt like you were engulfed while being in a big space? Trying to run away, further and further, only to find that you were surely running yet in all the wrong directions?

This piece is about that feeling...
The feeling of finding out that you are running endlessly and getting nowhere... At least nowhere right... Nowhere you want to end up... Nowhere you that you are supposed to be...

And I keep on running....
Like a deer performing the role of a prey...
Away from the big bad lion that has come out to play...
Trying to escape his sharp claws of memories, his pointed teeth of clay!

And I keep on running...
Helplessly, endlessly, hopelessly...
Towards no one in particular, since none of them really care...
Towards no place to call home, since that place is no longer there...

And I keep on running...
And now I'm out of breath and my feet are sore...
Looking into blank eyes that seem to hate and abhor!
Wanting to find a warm embrace, a cradling shore...

And I keep on running...
And you all keep judging me by the day!
Watching every move I make!
And you all don't even know me!
Your empathy is a pure fake!

And I keep on running...
Missing the closeness of a real friend,
Craving a real hug, a new beginning to this awful end!

And I keep on running...
In all the wrong directions and there's nowhere to go!
I act ignorant, but I know, I know...
This tired soul of mine I need to lay down or low!

Cause I can't keep running...
Not anymore...

Blood Stained Sheets...

Gently, she lifted up the blood stained sheets...
She could still hear her slaughtered heart, faintly, it beats...

In the midst of her confusion,
Perplexed that maybe it was all an illusion...

She screamed!

The blood stains were bigger and redder than she thought they'd ever be...

She wrapped herself in her own arms as tears dribbled...
Onto the sheets in a rain of drizzles...

The stains grew paler and bigger...

No, those were not the blood stains after a wedding night!
Neither those you'd have after a gruesome fight...

Those stains were only of pure deceit...
Lies...
Broken words...
Unfulfilled promises...
Steps that were never taken...
Those stains were impossible to treat!

She paced around a memory haunted room...
Her sheets as a white bride's dress missing a groom!

"He said he loved me, he swore he was true"...
Yet again words are cheap and talk is dew!

The blood stained sheets tightly strangled her feet...
And as she fell, she felt pure agony and veritable defeat...

Whispers of his voice played in her head as she swooned into absence...
Mind, body and soul irrevocably numb, paucity of feeling, lack of presence...

Flashbacks of a life she never lived with him played as movies scenes in front of her swollen eyes...
Black is the color of sorrow she saw finally before she uttered her concluding cries!

Nothing Used to Matter...

Nothing used to matter...
Being with you whether it was scorching hot or freezing cold,
As long as your arms were there for me to hold...

Nothing used to matter...
Seeing you every day or whenever suites you well,
As long as my words of love for you I have time to tell...

Nothing used to matter...
The shaken pride, the anger you brought and the stupid fights,
As long as I could have your voice embrace me through the nights...

Nothing used to matter...
The things you made me give up for a promise that was a lie,
As long as I never had to hear you say "good bye"!

Nothing used to matter...
Knowing you won't ever love me as much or care like I do,
As long as you smile, I didn't mind being down and blue!

Nothing used to matter...
The past you held on to in gifts, pictures and calls,
Being locked so deep inside these hollow walls,
You never being there to shelter my falls...

Nothing used to matter...
But now it all does and it always will,
How you shoved my love for you down the hill,
My heart is broken now, here's the hospital bill! :P

She Gave Him Love...

She knew how he was,
She knew he would leave.
She know he was going to break her heart,
His web she waited for him to weave…

She gave him love,
She loved in vain!
He played her like a toy,
And left her draped in pain…

She raised her head,
She raised and prayed,
She called for angles,
She cried and swayed!

She knew this game,
She knew it well,
And within her sorrow’s flame,
She wished him to hell!

He had no right,
He had no reason,
To rid herself from him,
Her way out was pure treason!

She turned her head,
She leaned on someone new,
The guilt feeding on her soul,
When cradled by his dew!

She felt captive,
She felt captive to his grip!
As his memories slowly held her tight,
And pushed her into loss’s thrones dip by dip!

She wished her life to end,
She wished it every night before she lay asleep…
Out of this cycle she wanted to be,
Out of the oceans in love she was drowning so deep!

How Sane Are We?

Caution: This is a long post and the ideas discussed in it are strictly personal... They will make you think of things, strange things, but in the end, they are opinions and you have every right to disagree!

One of the accusations that are directed my way is that I am a very sociable person! My friends always claim that I have no problem opening up and discussing various topics with random people at any time and at any place!

They are totally right! Moreover, I think this is the main reason for that: Talking to others, many others, about different things only allows us to grow more and gives our rather restricted brains to grow both horizontally and vertically in thought and creativity!

A few days ago, after suffering a very bad nervous breakdown, I found myself seriously thinking about the thin line that passes through sanity and insanity.

I then started talking to few of my “thoughtful” friends about this issue and their view of it by asking them: How do you know that you’re not insane?

Let me assure you that I imagined getting a strange look in return and maybe a comment on how my crazy brain works! Instead, I was surprised to find myself in an intriguing discussion about the borders of sanity!

Take this line for example: “They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” It is true and very accurate in illustrating how sanity vs. insanity is almost a never-ending debate with no clear cutting edges for an answer!

Whatever you may think of this subject, one thing will always stand uncorrected: the difference between sanity and insanity is very often arbitrary. There is no clear borderline. It is a thin zigzag line and we use socially acceptable behavior as the major criteria to differentiate.

Dictionaries around the world define insanity as “the condition of someone who is senseless and extremely foolish.” This declares that insane people are those who challenge the rules of society and do not fit in with the “normal way of life.” But what counts as a “normal way of life” anyway?

Someone told me, just the other day, that insanity happens when we lose control over the mind i.e: when the body takes control over the mind and our reactions are not at all studied or thought about... But that makes many of us insane... No?

I think I am there.. Three steps away from the mental hospital, many steps away from sanity.. But that's just me...

How sane are you?

Joke: You know you’re insane when ☺
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