Words escape me as I try to untangle the knots of my spiderweb like thoughts...With every day, new variables are added to the equation of my chaotic being...
With every step forward, a few others backwards...
I understand now: The implications of decisions, the real pain waiting unfolds, some of the reasons for doing "wrong" by yourself or by those around you...
And although I'd love to believe that the little girl inside of me is still shielded from my disappointments and anger, I can hardly convince myself that she still smiles... I sometimes even doubt if she is there anymore!
The itch that I can't scratch, the scars which I can't heal, the memories that live within the layers of my mind...
All remind me that I am human - which is good - but that this humanity makes me fragile...
"In order to be happy, one must detach from feelings and slowly release him/her self from the chains of humanity"...
I wonder now, is this true?
The guilt... Another hammer digging me deeper into the ground... (I'm reminded here of a scene from a horror movie where the zombie tries to escape the grave - a hand sticking out of the soil)...
Then there is complete and utter nothingness... And here is where I stop... For now...
2 comments:
Nothingness is a state of bliss and serenity I imagine, a state I wish to attain one day, but who knows, maybe it's not...
Hope this helps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCnyWXP8Lu8
~Matt
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