Image By: Igor JeremicIt is safe to say that life could be summarized by a set of roads leading to certain outcomes, which are, consequently, more roads!
Today, an unexpected reaction to an encounter, forced me think of those roads again, and of all those turns I've taken that lead to the road that I am currently on.
Somehow, the events of today made more impact on me than any other gut wrenching events that I have experienced lately and all those "ifs" and "maybes" came crashing down on me like hot meatballs in a spaghetti bowl!
And although I'd like to consider myself wise enough to let go of what could have been and try to deal with what is, I am unable to move past the fact that I seem to have taken so many wrong turns which have left me on a road that only leads to thorns and thunderstorms, of the heart and soul.
In a way, I feel responsible for this end, for where I am. On the other hand, I bitterly hold it against many people out there; those who have been reasons for many of my stops, sudden breaks and unplanned detours.
I just wish it didn't hurt this bad, or feel this painful. I just wish that my heart wasn't ripping away double time in my chest.
Somehow, I feel like the world is made of glass and I'm right at the edge of the only hard solid seat in the house. If I fall, my whole life will shatter into pieces. But I just keep slipping...
6 comments:
Ya Allah..
How creative u r and how well aware of urself and wt goes on and how things go on.. u r so inspirational.. u've been inspiring me since years.. I always get into ur blog and I bet myself I would find sth applies on me.. guess wt?? u never let me down!! I always find ur posts apply on me almost in all aspects..
I do respect ur creativity.. I do respect u as a person though we never knew each other.. and above all, I do respect ur well to post and express urself this charmingly.. I respect ur experiences in life.. and how u force urself to stand up still astonishes me..
Always keep it up.. and I do pray for u to get wt u deserve.. and I know its the best indeed..
Farah..
Dear Farah...
Your words touched my heart especially at this time, when all hopes seem to have escaped from my way!
I hope I can keep inspiring you and others out there, as much as I can because I know best how it feels to be misunderstood which is why I share experiences that may be too personal at time...
Again, thank you for the words, they brought happy tears to my eyes, ones that I have forgotten about a long time ago...
Beebee
Am blessed getting such reply from such a great person or what?? :)
Dear, u have no idea how I see similarities between us.. u might be the better part coz I believe that am not useful or good enough anymore.. I've done fatal mistakes.. I used to blame ppl around me for that be4 I quit and surrendered that its all my fault since I was a little child..
Hence, i bet, through reading ur posts, that u r so great.. Believe me, knowing that u r the good part in this life is a gift itself.. knowing for sure that u were misunderstood is weigh better than having noc lue who u r..
Keep it up dear.. stand for urself so still.. for that I cant stand for myself and I need u to stand up so I get some streangth.. I know its so much responsibility to hear this from some1 U dont know.. yet, our experiences miht be twins ;)
Be the best.. u deserve it..
Farah..
Dear Farah...
Today I did not cry, I wailed, and wept and screamed from heart ache and disappointment. Trust me, there are days that pass me by without me having one clue why all what happens with me happens and the day just fades away as if it were never there with only faint memories of tears and pain...
You said that you feel that you are not useful sometimes, I feel worthless too, for many reasons and at many times. I know how you must feel and I wish there was something I could do to help since I can't find anyone to help me...
Trust me, what I write here is never everything cause everything can be too much...
If you need to communicate via e-mail, Skype or msn, just let me know.
I am ready to listen and try to share as much of me as I can if you think it could make a difference for you... and maybe for me!
Take care and be strong too... It is tough out there...
Dear Beebee,
ur reply touched me so truly and so deeply.. its so ironic how grieve can do its best by gathering my hopelessness with ur Highness :)
I'd love to communicate with u indeed.. I dont know a way by which I can send u my e-mail privately.. so plz send me yours or tell me a way to keep it private..
Farah..
Dear Farah..
The commemts that I get here are published at my approval (moderated). So you can send me your email in a comment which I get in my email and won't publish.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Take care, and again, be strong...
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