After a long disappearance from the writing/ blogging scene, I am sad to pronounce that I come back to you, once more, loaded with pain, fear and utter disappointment…
Though, I must admit, some days during my absence I did feel a certain amount of hope, content and peace with myself and the world around me, I so relentlessly smacked yet another time into the walls of my cruel and inhumane reality which plays the biggest role in shielding my long-term peace of mind and serenity…
As a human being, I am left with a strapping and undeniable fear of what the world might be coming in terms with. I am scared of other human beings, those that have no morals, those that have so much power or those who feel and fear nothing. I am terrified from the authority that is given to anyone who can not be a leader and I am worried of the strength given to those who have no inner strength to love and give…
As a girl, I am anxious about my life and my decisions… I am restless about things that I should be responsible for; about being a good daughter, sister, employee, wife or mother… I am nervous about what life has hidden for me in terms of what I need to do, as a girl, and how I need to do it….
As a friend, I am sad and angry at myself for knowing how my performance as a friend has deteriorated and that I am incapable of fixing that at the time being (just as incapable as I have been for the past 4 months!)
As a soul, I am lost for words, mixed for thoughts, pained for feelings, numb for shocks…
I feel empty… From the inside out…
I feel nothing… I can hear no sound….
The throbbing in my heart has come to a rest…
I can feel no heart beat inside my aching chest…
In denial I lay here and I pray…
For a sign that there might be a better day!
Though, I must admit, some days during my absence I did feel a certain amount of hope, content and peace with myself and the world around me, I so relentlessly smacked yet another time into the walls of my cruel and inhumane reality which plays the biggest role in shielding my long-term peace of mind and serenity…
As a human being, I am left with a strapping and undeniable fear of what the world might be coming in terms with. I am scared of other human beings, those that have no morals, those that have so much power or those who feel and fear nothing. I am terrified from the authority that is given to anyone who can not be a leader and I am worried of the strength given to those who have no inner strength to love and give…
As a girl, I am anxious about my life and my decisions… I am restless about things that I should be responsible for; about being a good daughter, sister, employee, wife or mother… I am nervous about what life has hidden for me in terms of what I need to do, as a girl, and how I need to do it….
As a friend, I am sad and angry at myself for knowing how my performance as a friend has deteriorated and that I am incapable of fixing that at the time being (just as incapable as I have been for the past 4 months!)
As a soul, I am lost for words, mixed for thoughts, pained for feelings, numb for shocks…
I feel empty… From the inside out…
I feel nothing… I can hear no sound….
The throbbing in my heart has come to a rest…
I can feel no heart beat inside my aching chest…
In denial I lay here and I pray…
For a sign that there might be a better day!
1 comments:
:( it's really sad to know that u came back that way!!!!
and the sadder part is that u r feeling pain and fear... humans can be mean, humans can be cruel... but believe me, humans can be amazing and friendly and dream makers!!! i believe in that, simple since the day i met u... so plz bee, don't stop believing in life and dreams, cuz our dreams r the reason behind our living!!
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