So You Think You Know Me???

Someone recently told me that my writings are too "self-centered" and they only revolve around my concerns and my worries and daily troubles. Through the feedback I usually get from my more frequent readers, I feel that this is an understatement of my writing yet I feel the urge to ask do you feel the same as that someone?

This leads me to today's topic which is, in my opinion, a general concern to many people as well as me of course: Misjudging others. Lately I have been in this circle of constantly and continuously trying to prove to many people that I am a lot more than they perceive me to be; I am more than a confused soul that goes around saying and doing things that I myself can not seem to give logical reasoning for!
First and foremost, I am a person with feelings, which tends to slip many people's minds when talking about my personality, my looks, the way I think, my writings etc.

Second of all, I am an independent entity who has the right to make decisions, even wrong and "stupid" ones. I have the right to chose where to go and when, what to think and why, whom to like and whom to keep my distance from.

Third of all, I am me: a whole full package which can not and will not be divided and/or broken down into pieces to fit people's likes and preferences.

Finally, my faults are my differences from others and I demand respect for them. My insecurities make me the strong person I see myself to be. My confusion always urges me to search for more and seek more from life. My moodiness shapes me into a bundle of smiles, tears and maybe even bursts of anger which channel into a calmer and more serene me with time. My sensitivity brings me closer to earth instead of having my head up in the clouds watching people with no care or empathy. It is the most relevant reason for my writings and for my passion for life and for others who give enough attention and care to be in it.

So why go on and misjudge me just because you THINK you know me? Come here, get a little bit closer and you'll see me for who I am: What you see is what you get and I have nothing to hide.

I know now how easy it is to put "tags" on people and call them different names just by looking at them from a distance. I know now how harsh and even inhuman that can be. So please, throughout your daily lives I urge you to try to always look deeper than the fake accents, the make up, the insignificant talk and dig in to really know who that "other" is, he/she might end up being one of the closest people you might meet!

Sharing My Bed!

Due to my unexpected and yet very disturbing allergies I was unable to sleep the whole night. Tossing and turning in my bed, feeling cold and hot flashes, losing breath as if I've been running for hours and thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

The worst part of the night is for sure that in which your worst fears and nightmares, thoughts and worries and hurtful words of others decide to slip in your bed next to you, wrap themselves real tight under your covers and start haunting you!

During those hours of uneasiness, especially last night, my inhibitions slowly pushed me out of my own bed and then dragged me here, to the PC, to write.

I am now staring blankly into the monitor and thinking of which agitating thought to tackle in this piece of writing and I really can't seem to choose just one!

I know many of you have spent sleepless hours thinking about one or more of your problems, analyzing them, trying to play the doctor's role to diagnose the reasons behind them and prescribe a solution for them and I know many of you have succeeded to do so while others failed!

On the scale of one to ten, I think my problem solving technique could be rated as one (being the lowest possible score) following this series of useless wasted hours that caused no rational or even irrational solutions to any of my problems!

A pause--- the thoughts come to a halt as I take a look into the horizon and see the sky flooded with clouds of grey and white shades and tips of gold reflecting of the sun.

As I slowly take my eyes away from the awe of nature, I once again fall into my own carefully woven blanket of thoughts… "What now?" I ask myself while the echoes of my question linger on in the back of my mind…

Personality Check!

Moving from the private to the public in order to make my writing a little less "self-centered" and more of a public concern, allow me to talk about the different personality types I have met along the road of life. I would like your honest opinions regarding my critique and evaluation of those personalities because I'm sure they have crossed your path as well!

Please note:
*The names I will choose to call each personality is not in any way scientific or philosophically related. I have created each name which will properly portray the characteristics of each personality.
* A person could fall into one or more (yet also none) of the personality types I will be listing.

The "Save Me" Personality:
Those who fall into this category are people who believe they have been through so many hard times in their lives. Whether the "hard times" were in reality harsh or not is not a matter that concerns me.
Now a person with the "Save Me" personality is one which was not able to learn from his/her mistakes or the mistakes of others and always seeks shelter and safety in the arms of someone (or anyone). He/she tries hard to fit into any group and belong. Their loyalties, beliefs and values are flexible and could easily be changed for the sake of 'fitting in".

The "I Don't Give A Damn" Personality:
People who have this type of personality:
Either became so due to the way they were raised, their parents' teachings and their surroundings.
Or became so due to a painful experience which altered their lives and thus their personality.

The "I Don't Give A Damn" personality type usually holds those who will speak and act with no thoughts to others' feelings. They are self-centered and love to be the focal point of everyone's attention. Their life is aimless though they always try to convince others otherwise! They are also rarely scared of anything and friends to them are just a tool that they sue to waste time. Love, in the eyes of this type of personality, is not rational and carries no value.

The "I Am The Boss" Personality:
Now this type of personality is the hardest to deal with!
Everyone who falls under this category always thinks his/her way is the right one. They refuse to listen to what anyone has to say and might not even be willing to hear it! They want things to go as they please at any given time and they do not leave any room for arguing or discussing any topic they have a predefined opinion of.
This personality is one which attracts many weaker and less rooted personalities and it is able to accommodate them and love them all as long as they are the herd and it is the shepherd.


The "Love Me" Personality:
People who have had a bad childhood and who have been haunted by their painful memories will fit just right in this category. The "Love Me" personality is one which is scared, confused and alone. It is one which seeks love constantly and feels complete only when it finds its "better" half. It is capable of giving so much love and attention yet it is always afraid of being abandoned.
People who fall under this type of personalities can be of a strong or weak character and could also be of a good or evil one.

The "Life Is Passing By" Personality:
This personality just stands on the side as the world passes it by. It is passive to changes and experiences. It has no clue of what is going on around and doesn't even think about asking.
People in this classification are the ones who believe that "we will die sooner or later so why the hassle?" They like spending many hours alone doing nothing and thinking about no one. They shy away from any relation that could cause them to think. They could be a lot of fun to hang out with after a long working day because they have an aimless sense of humor which could be tolerated only at times.

Finally, and as one wise man said: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Thank you for your time…

Cabbies: A Different Approach!

And yet another morning… This one was rather calm though: the silence after the storm…

My night was fairly good until that late hour of the night when all my fears and worries conspired against me and pulled out those trapped tears which chose to share my pillow with me and fall asleep by my side…

It passed now… It’s a new day…

I chose not to take the car today… I don’t feel up to driving so I walked out of the house and into the street waiting to find a cab to take me to work…

As I walked and waited, listening to my music and trying to push away those ideas trying to surface, I could see the sun rays color my curls with so much talent and I could feel the warm breeze touch my cheeks with so much tenderness…

A cab pulled up and I got in…

A million “cab-related" ideas started bombarding my mind and for the first time in my life I felt that I had enough of them to actually write an article and dedicate it to “cabbies”!

Take a very short moment to think about this:

How many times a day do we swear, scream or curse at cab drivers?
Don’t you just hate how they forget to let you know before changing lanes or suddenly stopping to pick up someone?
Isn’t it unnerving how they are always in a rush to get somewhere?
If you’re a non-smoker, don’t you just hate it when the cab driver is smoking right next to you?
How about their weird taste in music? The conversations they try to open? The way they look at you in the mirror? How they always like taking the farthest way to drop you off when you might be in a hurry? How many of them seem to never have change!?

Now I do realize how annoying those things may be and how sometimes we tend to lose our temper from their selfish and unethical acts yet clear your mind for a second and think about this:

Do we really know what time this cab driver left his house and what time he will get back? Do we ever think of the number of hours he spends going around picking and dropping me, you, him, her or them up?
If the cab doesn’t put the AC on we complain for those 20 minutes max we will be in the cab, do we ever think how many hours the cab driver spends in his car with no AC?
Can we really blame the cab driver for wanting to “rip us off” those 5 or 10 piasters when the fuel prices are constantly rising and the living conditions are constantly deteriorating?
If we sit alone for an hour we get bored, can we then blame the cab drivers for trying to come up with any kind of conversation in order to pass time?
Finally, are cab drivers really the only ones who fail to follow driving regulations and etiquette?

I’m sure each of you will have different opinions regarding this subject…

My only wish is that it will add a spoon of empathy to your daily encounter with cabbies!

Have a nice day…

Sincere Dedication...

A few days ago I thought of writing something to dedicate it to all my readers, friends and acquaintances and I did and forgot to press the publish button and it was all gone! Since then, I’ve been trying to gather the “right” words to write it again but I can’t seem to get them the way they were but I still have the urge to write it! So here we go:

To everyone who ever passed in my short and humble life time…
To all the true friends who stood by me and supported me…
To all those who criticized me…
To all those who smiled to me and maybe grinned at me behind my back!
To every person who I ever shook hands with…
To every girl or guy who talked to me about his/her fears…
To all those who crossed my path one any given day…

Thank you… Each and every one of you has added something to my life and to my experiences…
Whether you caused me to smile or were a reason for a warm tear, whether you made me laugh or frustrated me and even if you never ever positively or negatively affected me… Each one of you is special in his/her own way… Each one of you left a footstep on the streets of my daily life…

Thank you for breathing and for being alive…

An Unusual Topic...

I do realize that the following piece of writing will not bear any importance to many of you. I also know that many will consider it ridiculous or might even mock it. Therefore, I will give you a brief introduction of the content of it so you can decide whether to go on reading or find something better to do with your time!

The subject of this piece of writing is: My Cat!

We all woke up early this morning because my cat’s vet is coming over to perform an operation! It turns out that my old grumpy cat has cancer and it has spread so close to the spinal cord that if we waited a bit longer, things would have gotten ugly!


What is it that made me feel the urge to write? Well, I’ve had my cat for more than 11 years now and he’s everyone’s spoiled brat at home! From the day I got him and his five little sisters and brothers, he has been one of the family members! I can still remember how we fed him the milk drop by drop and how he used to cuddle next to the dog we had back then, maybe thinking it was his mom!

Though he is a very independent, cunning and moody cat, he is one of the reasons we smile at home! Sometimes, he gets those crazy fits and starts running around the house for no reason and jumping everywhere as if he was bird! At others, he would come crawling next to me if I’m feeling down and he’d insist that he sits in my lap!

Sometimes, this really stubborn cat ignores us until we pretend that we’re calling it for food… He will be in front of me and wouldn’t budge when I call his name then when I say: “ta3meeke”, he’d look up at me with those begging eyes!

My old and grumpy cat was laying on the table in front of us all, drugged, while the vet took out the lump… My cat was laying there still while the vet was doing the stitches… My cat is now asleep, hopefully feeling no pain…

At the end of the day, this was just a cat, yet the whole thing was painful to us… What if…………….?

May God protect all our loved ones and keep them safe…

To the Man Behind the Horizon...

I know I am a semi-rational girl, or at least I think I am but the following brief yet emotionally loaded piece has nothing to do with reason, rationality or sanity…

This is dedicated to the man behind the horizon… The one whose presence is not yet tangible yet powerfully felt… The one whose existence reinforces my faith in everything and anything that is wholly and sacred… To the one who was able, and with the minimum effort possible, to capture and hold captive my thoughts and serenity… To the man behind the horizon: This one goes out to you…

As we chat the day away, and as the hours pass and drift by with no burdens of the next hour or the following step… I sink into blissful thoughts of what I would call the possible impossible… I breathe in and sigh then I whisper these words…

I miss what I might find in you…
I miss who you might be...
I miss who I feel you are...

I wonder what destiny has planned for you and me…
I wonder how things came to be…
I wonder how it will end, where is will lead…

To the man behind the horizon: Thank you for re-entering the stage of my life…

أجلس أمامك ، و أتصفح عيناك الكاذبتين بحزن و ألم

مرت أيام من عمري ، ياعمري قضيتها بحيرة و بندم

قضيت ليال طوال على ذكراك ،أعد الثواني لحين لقياك

بحثت عنك في غربتي ، في الشوارع ، في مخيلتي و لم أنساك
لن أبكي على حبنا المهدور ولن أبكي على جرحي منك

لن أرضى بهواني ولن أرضى بعدي عنك

من نسج خيالي رسمت لك حائطا صلبا وعاليا

ليحميك من عيون الناس ويريحك من شرور الدنيا

لكنك رفضت عطائي لك و أردت الهروب الى بعيد
لتبحث في الناس في الدنيا ، لتبحث وتجرب كل جديد
خلعت عني الأمل ،جردتني من كل الأحاسيس

وضعتني على رف قديم ، أخفيتني خلف الكواليس

بخطا ثقيلة وحذرة ، اقترب منك، بخوف من القادم المرير
بخطا مسرعة ، واثقة ، تبتعد عني ،بلهفة ناعمة كالحرير
صار دمعي رفيقي ، دائما فوق الخدود

لأني أهواك هوا عذبني واستملكني لأبعد الحدود

سلبتني طفولتي ، سرقتني الحنين والامان
ثم رميتني وحدي لأقف و أواجه الأحزان

أحببتك و أحبك و سأظل أحبك حبا بكل جنون
وسأظل أهتف أن كل الدنيا من أجل حبك تهون
يا حسرة قلبي و عيني على الذي كان بيننا ، على الذي كان

ياحسرة شوقي ولهفتي اليك ، الى حضنك ، الى الحنان

سأغنيك بأحزاني موالا تملأه الآه و الأنين

سأنشر اسمك في قصائدي على مر السنين

كلمات مبعثرة

أضاءت النجوم ليلها ولكن عتم وحدتها أظّل على ذلك الضوء

أشعلت كلماته نيران مشاعرها ولكن أمطار أحزانها أطفئت تلك النيران

حرك النسيم أحاسيسها الكامنة ولكن بروده حضنها

أبطئت تلك الحركة

لم تزل تؤمن بوطن و حضن و مرسى و أمان قريب
لم تزل تبحث في العيون السود عن حبيب
لكن الوقت يداهم قلبها الذي بات من الحب معدوم

و الزمن يسابق حنانها الذي هو نفسه منها محروم

Whose Face Do You See?

The title of the following piece of writing could be explained in a number of ways: the actual encounter of many people in which you only see one person, photographic memory which allows you to remember faces or a certain number of them or it could be the simple emotional connection that I am addressing here and which I will further explain below.

Emotionally speaking, the idea of love and this spiritual connection one might develop towards this specific someone never seizes to amuse me! It is said that when two people are in love, they develop this sacred type of bond which magically binds them together in the most unusual ways. For example, one might feel that something is wrong when the person he/she loves are in trouble or pain. Many more examples could also be applied.

In this piece of writing however I would like to focus on the unique way that love is able to manifest itself in a person’s daily and routine life as well as in great events or even difficult situations.

Whose face do you see?

It is not a fact yet more of a revelation that many people who really do believe and feel love in its purest forms are able to visualize those they love at any time, especially at the highest and lowest peeks. Moreover, those who are in love tend further, unconsciously, think of the person they love and see their faces at times when the greatest achievements are made and the hardest experienced are lived.

Now ask yourselves this:

Whose face do you see when you first open your eyes in the morning?
Whose face do you see when you get a rewarding promotion at work?
Whose face do you see when you’ve had a hard day and you desperately need a warm hug?
Whose face do you see when an idea of yours makes a great success?
Whose face do you see when you feel that everything around you is a mess?
Whose face do you see at night before you fall asleep?

If one name was able to be the top answer to each of those questions and many more similar ones, I believe that that person is the one whom you really love… (I just hope that he/she holds the same feelings towards you!)

The “Number One” Phenomenon…

On my way to work this morning, while sitting on the edge of my seat in the back of the taxi watching the cab driver race time for some reason unknown to me, I saw an outdoor sign which triggered an urgent piece of writing; the sign read: “The Number One Hair Salon” followed by the name of that salon.

This brought flashbacks to me of the numerous TV shopping channels which advertise almost the same products under the same taglines that claim that this or that product or service is new, unique, innovative, number one, or that it is now sold for the first time in the Middle East, etc. I was also reminded of all those toothpaste advertisers which employ dentists to testify that toothpaste Y is the best for whitening and toothpaste X is the best for protecting the tooth enamel. Oh, and I also remembered those many ads of this type of milk or that type of cheese which simply is the finest amongst all others in the market, or the healthiest or the most nutritious!

How could those products, which you can barely differentiate in characteristics and even visual appearance, all be unique, new, innovative and number one? Which product or service is the first of its kind? Which should you spend your money on? Which will be most beneficial? Why favor toothpaste X over toothpaste Y when you do realize that both dentists “testifying” to their benefits have been paid to do so? How does a mother know how to pick out the healthiest and most wholesome cheese for her kids? Why choose this device for exercise and not the other one? Why buy this gadget tool from this TV ad and not the one you saw at your supermarket? Which salon is really number one? If they all claim to be so, which one should you go to and risk getting your hair burnt from excessive ammonia or getting a lousy haircut which you’d need months and months to get over?

So many questions one might ask and I assure you there would be no one answer!

The world we are living in today revolves strictly around the right advertising in order to manipulate the regular customer and create a deep need in his/her mind of a certain product or service. It is not a money-related subject anymore. Customers are now willing to buy what they can not afford if they are “rightly persuaded” that this product or service is indeed what they need; what they have been lacking for all those years!

After this confession, I know what many may be thinking: Why would I, the business graduate and the marketing manager, write about such a subject and mainly what I do for a living is exercise this kind of approach? Well, the answer is quiet simple actually: We do not always intend to “go with the flow” when we first decide which major to study or which job to pursue, we always believe we can make a change. Sadly enough, we barely do due to the thin line that exists between marketing/advertising ethically and unethically. The important thing is to try to be as ethical as possible in a world where authority, power, money and other factors control our daily lives: what we do, where we go, what we buy, wear, eat, drink and where!

I am sure that this piece of writing will be your number one :)

Enjoy!

Reap What You Sow!!!

I am not the kind of girl who really believes in superficial things such as horoscopes but my love horoscope today was really interesting and it inspired me to write… So here it goes…

A few months back, I used to be a firm believer in love, its manifestations and the many different ways one could express the love he/she had…

I used to spend hours creatively crafting a piece of writing, a small hand-made gift, a funny colorful card to express the love I had for a certain friend, boyfriend or family member… I used to stay up late thinking of ways to make those I loved happy and more comfortable with their lives and who they are… Seeing those I loved smile used to mean the world to me; it used to put me in high spirits and bring me inner peace and serenity…

Lately, things have changed… I now feel that that river of love which I carried deep inside of me has finally run dry and I can't help but wonder: Who's to blame?

Someone once said: You shall reap what you sow… This means that everything that happens to you is a result of your own actions… Well, I guess this may be true but not in the matters of the heart; not when it comes down to love and emotions…

When love, giving, caring, sacrificing and devoting is at play I rather use another idiom of my own: You shall reap what others sow!

Sadly enough, the bad experiences of love which end up in pain or betrayal or that simply come to an unexplained ending, they change us, make us someone we do not know and do not really understand… They build a wall around us to shield us from more pain and betrayal… We then are not what we want to be because someone else decided to leave, cheat or hurt us… It not a choice rather a sentence that someone condemned us to…

For now… I rest my case…

Good night!

Jinx Cake Mix!

Life’s irony smirks at her so chillingly and she feels a pinch of anger and despair…
She begins to suffer from a tablespoon of helplessness and a cup of hatred towards the unfair…
“You can’t have your cake and eat it,” a wise man once said!
“Can she at least have a piece?” The thought circled around her head!
She wrote a list of the ingredients of a special cake recipe and decided to call it Jinx!
Then she started to gather them on a table and prepared the drinks!
She put together the can of nagging, the teaspoon of hopes and the cup of bad luck and brought them to a mix!
In the same bowl, she then sifted in the handful of fears and added a few drops of tears just for kicks!
Now her jinx cake is ready for the oven and it needs a few minutes to be ready to serve!
Caution: this cake recipe should be kept out of children’s reach. Furthermore, try not to preserve!

A Drifting Thought...

She knew that she needed to be alone now, away from all the head aches…
She was certain she was at a point in her life when she could not take more heart breaks…
Still at night, as she laid her head on her warm pillow and helplessly tried to fall asleep…
She craved for that good night call and hearing a voice talking to her about words of love so deep…
In the morning, she missed those messages that spoke of nothing yet meant everything to her…
She was confused: Was her total freedom worth it or did she want things back the way they were?
The fights, the arguments and the countless hours spent in confusion, fear of loss and pain…
She swore that she will not surrender and she will not waste time on things like this again!
But now she feels empty, deeply hollow and somehow she craves those days…
She feels happy yet sad, free yet imprisoned, she feels lost in so many ways!
Snap back to reality, she has so much work to do…
So she ends this piece of writing and dedicates it to all of you…