Wishing everyone out there, Muslims and non-Muslims, yet another year of more and more giving, caring and most importantly understanding....

Love... Is It Evil??

Many people live all their lives waiting to feel love… Lingering aside the long rough and winding roads of time to experience the serenity that love brings… Anticipating the positive change in their daily routine that love will create…

What many of these people do not know that once they have experienced this wholly and sacred emotion, if they ever do, they will bear the greatest pain of all during it and at the time when they lose it…

During this passionate lifetime, people are blinded by the truth, they might be lied to or hurt in one way or another, yet they keep holding on… They feel threatened of losing it every second of every day…

Then, after this love is lost, people are not the same… They simply become shattered pieces of their previous selves… They might lose their pride and self respect trying to regain this love, and then, they will even become a bigger mess!! This jumble is irremediable and neither time nor new experiences can turn people back to who they were…

Lately, I began to gain faith in a new concept: the wickedness of love!

I pray, to God and his angels, that this is just a passing phase…

The Power of Words...

Recently, I’ve been seriously pondering the power of words… The words we hear in a movie, the lyrics of a song, the words said on the news or on radio shows, the words people say to us, or about us, and the words we say in response…

It strikes me as kind of “paradoxical” how much power words have on us… We, who are supposed to be rational, thinking and even smart beings, how easily we are moved by words…, how easily our hearts can be broken by a few words and yet how simply they can be mended by a word or two…

It is also confusing how words make you trust people and words, too, make you lose faith in people and lose trust in everything around you…

Words also can be a reason for some to fall in or out of love…For others to gain or lose a friend… For many to win or lose a job, a deal, or even respect…

Nothing, in my opinion, is stronger that words… They are the key to every little jigsaw puzzle we face through our daily lives… They are the ultimate weapon that people can use…

Remember this: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me!”

Who are we kidding? Ourselves? I mean words are the definitive tool of mass destruction of the soul and mind… Why? Because their effect stays so long after they are spelt out and heard… It stays deep in our memories and thoughts, retrieved at the utmost time of pain and forgotten through our days’ continuous hardships…

Wishing each and every person I care about, the best times, the peace of mind, joy of soul and the gift of true love...

The Sarcasm of Life!

Sometimes life hits you hard...

It crashes you and breaks you down...

It shatters your soul and damages the things you cherish the most...

Then, someone comes along, gives you hope for a better day, for a new beginning, for a sincere smile…

But, does it all end there? Of course not…. You are faced with so many facts that you have to live with:

1. There is no extreme happiness (utopian kind of joy).
2. There is nothing perfect, or even close to that!
3. You can never have all that you want or even most of it.
4. Friends do come and go.
5. Life is too short.
6. Love is a joke - an overrated, unrealistic and overused non-existing concept!

Untitled...

Finally, it rained in Amman! It even snowed!
The earth can finally clench its long going thirst...
The trees and grass can finally rid themselves of the mounted up dust and dirt...
I love the snow, the purity its whiteness brings…
How it can usually wipe away the darkness of the soul…
I love the touch of it, the peace its texture gives birth to…
How it elegantly falls downs from the sky and dresses the ground…

This time, something is different… I wish I knew what… I wish I knew why… I wish I had more answers to my many known and unknown questions…

Lately, I just lose myself in anything… In music, writing (unpublished), thoughts, I even lose myself in myself if that makes any sense…

To be continued….

Contemplations of the Day!

After a long day full of different activities and crazy events, I retire to my room once again…
I sit there; staring aimlessly around me, wondering what can I do without driving myself insane!
To think of the past will bring no peace, neither will thinking about the days ahead…
Should I just waste more time or should I write how I feel instead?

Finally, as you can see, I decide to write… I decide to set my spirit free, and allow myself to wonder into the short-term memories of the day…

Earlier today, a 70 years old lady talked to me about the value of time…
I could hear in her tone how she feels that wasting time is a crime!
I am reminded now of every word her pure voice spelt to me…
The wisdom in her eyes and the pride that I want in me to be…
We spoke of mother earth, planet Gaia, and how angry it is at man…
Of the revenge it may one day bring upon its inhabitants, and that it can….
We discussed the similarity of human beings to the animals running wild…
With every story she told, I looked deeper into my soul and smiled…
And as we talked, I lost track of pain and in nature I flew!
Peace of mind washed over me and at that moment I knew:

There are much larger things in this life than you and I….
There is more suffering and pain that may never die!
No matter how unlucky we feel, our blessing we should always count…
And be sure that if we think of our troubles all the time, they will mount!
Feeding the soul is the best gift we have and will ever truly need…
It needs no money and brings so much worth in our lives indeed…

Never Ending Desolation!

As if to announce the ongoing misery, I hear screaming outside my room…
I hear breaking, shrieking, destruction and a boom!
I leave the haven which I burry myself in to avoid uncalled for fights…
Where I just sit and write with no hopes, no dreams and no lights!
Yet another reason to argue, another blame and another guilt…
One more reason for my faith to wither and wilt!
Frustration leads you to do things that time may reveal were simply wrong!
Your sanity may trick you for the cruel past you may long…
Trying so hard to be everything you want and can be…
Struggling from your pains and fears to be free…

I Wonder...

Do eyes really reveal the sorrow in the heart?
Does the pain of separation heal after being apart?
Does the sky rain in agony and tears?
Will I get over my hidden and great fears?
Do the spring's flowers for lovers bloom?
Does the cloud realize its bitterness and gloom?
Do the trees sway to welcome the breeze?
Do the lakes, in anger, become cold and freeze?
Does the night know the loneliness it carries?
Will one day come when we have no worries?
Does true love only exist in Shakespeare's books?
Do people fall in love based on charm and looks?
Can happiness be truly looked for and found?
Are all people walking equally on this ground?
Do we learn from our wrongs and mistakes?
Why with every thought of the past your soul shakes?
When do you know his/her words are really true?
Who is the "one" that God has created for you?

A Trip down the Memory Path….

Memories… My favorite masochistic subject!
It is hilarious, beyond sardonic, how what it all boils down to is this:
What you want, what you need and desire, you can not have and yet, what you avoid and wish to be away from haunts your stride and your every contemplation…

A few days ago, I had a sudden and indefinable rendezvous with my memories… Those that have haunted me for shiny, busy days and long, lonely nights… Memories that invaded my dreams and attacked my peace of mind… Memories that I lost every battle against….

A picture captures every detail in a certain event or occasion but memories are way too technically advanced because they capture the details of the place and the faces as well as each emotion felt at that time…

While visiting every corner, street, physical place of my memory path, a bunch of strayed feelings fluttered in my mind and for a moment, I was actually there… Where it all began and ended, one day, so far away from now…

I look at myself now, I look around me, I am here, not anywhere else, but here, in my room, in front of my PC, just typing away the pains of the deceased memories, the last ashes of the burning fires….

Although it may seem so unreal, it's another day… Far away… Far away…

The Impossible Vs. The Possible!

Rarely, only at certain moments, one might get to a point where he/she wants only what they can not have…
Whether it was a simple compliment, a hug, a date, or even a phone call!
This girl/guy end up in a dilemma: how can I have the "impossible"?
The struggle begins….
The inner emotions and feelings start getting in a muddle and as time passes by, he/she seems to forget the importance of what he/she can have or have already the "possible"…
As days go by, distance grows, not from the other part, from the self, and the doors of chaos are opened…
Guilt, pain, sadness and desperation invade and settle in the daily life routine and happiness and comfort just dash outside the windows of the soul!

The truth of the matter is: Why don't we believe that what we can not have is simply not what we need?
Why can't we trust that the "impossible" is not meant for us?

We humans can be so naïve sometimes!!! We are easily drifted towards the agony that life carries with its every turn and twist… We are quickly drowned in its melancholy…

Giving up on someone or something might be the "courageous" thing to do… Holding on could be the "cowardly" action we are trying to achieve!

Think about that… I know I am….

Goodbye My Friend....

Simply... Just as if it were a beautiful yet painful dream... He was gone....

I look back at it now and I can't help but think: Were they my illusions?

Each moment we have spent together, all the laughs, they are done...

I am left to struggle through the days and the many exhausting confusions...

I can't explain how I feel cause I'm caught up in the many webs of pain...

I have lost many battles and I am sure missing him is a one I can't gain!

I will see him again, I know, whether far or soon...

I will pray for his safety while looking at the stars and the moon...

How cruel this life is, being under the same sky yet far away...

I just wish he was still here, I wish that he was able to stay...

Eye Contact...

Through our daily lives, whether in the car, walking, in a restaurant, or in the shopping malls, our eyes make contact with strangers... This eye contact can range from a fraction of a second to 5 or more seconds... Then, when it is over, we go back to doing whatever it is we were doing: eating, walking, driving, shopping, etc...

Yet, have you ever thought about this: the person your eye made contact with could easily be the next "good" friend you never had, the next person you will make a work deal with, the person who can make you smile one day, the next enemy you will gain, or maybe even the person you will spend the rest of your life with?

Now, while having this "short and basically useless" eye contact, think about this... It will draw a smile on your face!

The Doors of Memory...

Memory....

It is a complex mental function having four distinct phases: (1) memorizing or learning, (2) retention, (3) recall, and (4) recognition. Clinically, it is usually subdivided into immediate, recent, and remote memory. The area of cognitive psychology that studies memory processes. The cognitive processes whereby past experience is remembered. The power of retaining and recalling past experience. The recollection of past events and experiences stored from learning and instinctive behavior.

Last night, while I was out trying to change my somewhat depressed mood, a thought just occurred to me... The complexity of memory!

"As I run in the doors of my mind,

I find painful memories attacking me from ahead and behind..."

It is so true how one memory door opens another... You are sitting there and suddenly something triggers one memory... Whether it is painful or not, this memory, when you let yourself think about it long enough, will automatically remind you of another similar one... This is similar to the ripple effect, only not in a liquid matter, yet through your mental thoughts!

This is an amazing phenomenon, yet it remains exhausting, especially if you retain a series of sad or painful memories! Once you have opened one door, the others are opened too and you need more time to close them again and go back to living the present....

Social Resumes!

After a long argument with my friends at work about relationships and marriage, I came up with this "crazy" idea! I will tell you about it and I would love to see what you think!

Well, it is the normal procedure to send your resume to a job you are applying to. I am sure all of you did it if not once, then many times. I know I did!
In our CV, we mention our names, contact info, date of birth, then we go deeper into our education, work experiences, hobbies, skills, references, etc...

Now, this is where my crazy idea sprung! Why don't we all, females and males, apply the same procedure to our social, relationship- related lives!

I mean, whether we are trying to be someone's friends or trying to enter their hearts, why don't we decrease the percentage of getting rejected later on in the relationship by preparing our own detailed "romance" or friendship" resumes, which we give to the other party as soon as there is interest and just wait for them to review them and tell us what they think?

My idea of a "Romance Resume" can include the following details:

1. The usual: date of birth, horoscopes (many believe in them), name, place of birth, religion and nationality!
2. The name and description of each guy/girl that person dated.
3. The "type" of fights you had.
4. The reason of breaking up.

5. The current status of the heart: broken, healing, dead!

Well, it can be more detailed as you know, depending on the type of relationship you are opting for! If it is just for fun, for example, you need to lessen the amount of info you give and so on...

I know many of you will think: Is she insane?

Well, think about it, how many beautiful and almost perfect relationships were destroyed due to "insufficient data"! :)

A Reminder...

As you go through every second in your day... Remember this:

Accents, nationalities, religions and differences between people are what makes them unique...

Yet, the simple desire to share something (love, friendship, a chat...) means that we can unite and blend into the world of differences without any boarders...

The Reason Behind Our Existence...

Have you ever asked yourself this question: Why was I born? Why am I here?

Well, I think that no matter how many times we think about this, the answer is really simple:

Each of us have our own personal legend to fulfill..

Now, where are people in this formula? What is their role?

Well, nothing! It should not matter if other people support us, criticize us, make fun of us, ignore us or put up with us...

This, what it boils down to, is OUR DESTINY and we should believe in it and that one day, we will fulfill it...

Death?

Why fear it? We will all die one day... The important thing is to try, as hard as we can, to go after our dreams, hopes and destiny and with love, patience and utmost respect for ourselves, fulfill our legend before death comes knocking at our doors...

An Insight into Hope...

Inspired by my favorite author, Paulo Coelho....

What is the real meaning of the word "hope"? I have asked myself that question over and over gain... Especially on those long nights that I have spent on my bed, just thinking, waiting for the light of day to come through my window...

As the dictionary states:

Hope is:

Definition: longing; dreaming. It is wishing for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

As for its antonyms. They are despair, disbelief, discouragement, hopelessness, pessimism

To hope with little reason or justification is hoping against hope yet, it is still hope!!!

Therefore, hope is a word that often wakes up with us each morning, it gets badly injured and wounded as the day progresses, it dies at nightfall yet it is reborn with the dawn of every new day...

Think about that....

The Concept of the Word "Need"..

The Various Definitions of the word "Need":

1. A condition or situation in which something is required or wanted: crops in need of water; a need for affection.
2. Something required or wanted; a requisite.
3. Necessity; obligation: There is no need for you to go.
4. A condition of poverty or misfortune: The family is in dire need.

The concept of Needs is often used to refer to things that people "must" have. They are often contrasted with wants, which are more discretionary.

Lately, I've been pondering the meaning and power of the word need and the negative connotations it carries with it. All human beings, as Maslow portrays in his hierarchy of needs, have certain needs that must be fulfilled; beginning with the need for food, shelter and ending with the need of self-actualization. Therefore, it is a fact that all human beings, no matter what level of the society they occupy, are born with needs that linger on until the day they die.

Need is therefore a responsibility laid upon our shoulders the moment we leave the warm womb of our mothers into the cold and mysterious life we are born onto.

I think of my friends and myself now… I think how we have covered, throughout our life time till this second, only one portion of the hierarchy of needs and yet we are thinking of the rest of the pyramid each minute of every day.

I can not really figure out whether this is positive or negative thing but I know one thing for sure, the need for love, affection and stability is one that torments us as human beings. It is the one that prevents us from moving way up in the pyramid and becoming fully satisfied!

New Research...

New research reveals the possibility of a new drug that is able to erase bad memories and traumatic recollections! Wow! Who could have thought we would reach this stage of development in the medical sector?!

I remember when I first read about this drug, I was really happy, excited and curious. I tried finding more information about it, details, side effects, probability of success. You'd be surprised how many people were excited as much as I was, or maybe even more. Can you imagine the power of such a drug? I mean all those who have suffered from painful memories such as home violence, abuse, wars, etc, can you even begin to comprehend how getting rid of all those memories would be useful to their every day lives and their personal existence and personality?

On the other hand, some people objected to this drug's effects. They reasoned that with the use of it, criminals, offenders and murderers will take this drug as a way out, an escape, from the guilt brought by their actions and crimes.

To be honest, I did not go that far with my thought, I just considered one thing: What will happen to all the good memories in between those painful and traumatic ones? What will happen to the things we learnt from those hurtful experiences? And how will the obliteration of those memories make a difference in who we are now and how we think?

What do you think? Would you encourage or discourage the use of such a drug?