Pride & Compromise... The Story of the Thin Line!

Introduction...

From Wikipedia:

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, is a classification of the most objectionable vices... It consists of "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride".

The Story Goes...

As it was told, a long long time ago, there existed a very thin line between the hideous sin "pride" and the beautiful virtue "compromise"...

Whatever people did, especially within the frames of a relationship, pride was always there to wreck and destroy the relationship while compromise did its best to conserve it and raise it higher, to a more elevated level...

One day, compromise felt really bad for all the problems pride was causing... It decided to go address pride, trying to bring it back to its senses and urge it to be more lenient with people...

Compromise said: "I do understand how powerful you are dear pride... I know that you have the ability to ruin relationships that are meant to last as well as end friendships and kill love... Therefore, I would like to plead to you and beg you, out of weakness, to be gentle on poor souls who don't know any better but to believe in you and follow you blindly"...

Pride sniffed, smirked then said: "You poor little thing you! Coming here to beg me to quit something I do not cause! People bring their misery amongst themselves... They know too much pride is bad for them, yet, they chose to submerge themselves it in... Even if I wanted to do something about it, and trust me I don't, I can't! People are given choices and whatever they choose is their path. Regardless of my will or intention, I have no power to change the path any two choose for each other; they must be able to do it themselves"...

Disappointed and sad, compromise said its goodbyes and left, wondering what will happen to the world with people's whims and sins in control...

With time, compromise started getting older and feeble, while pride managed to get stronger...

Too many love stories came to an end...
Countless tears were shed...
Numerous friendships were diminished...

And now, at our present days, the thin line between pride and compromise seems to be fading with compromise being just a word, stripped from all its beauty and stuck in the corner of the doomed!

Call Me Whatever You Please!

You can call me lame,

for calling your name,
for taking the blame,
for bearing the flame...

You can call me insecure,
sacrificing a heart so pure,
suffering so hard to endure,
searching for reasons and not a cure...

You can call me insane,
trying to single handedly lift the crane,
driving in the opposite lane,
absorbing in all this anger and pain!

You can call me a fool,
breaking each and every rule,
bathing in the ugly and the cruel,
allowing you all to use me like a tool!

You can call me moody and hard to please,
charging me for everything with ease,
my emotions you are welcomed to tease,
you can do that till all words seize!

In your head, you can make up stories about me,
stories that won't capture me or set me free...

In your speech you can use thorny phrases,
I don't live for your criticism or your praises!

You can call me whatever you want,
or just call me by my name,
at the end, it's all the same, it's all the same!

Sticks & Stones Won't Hurt My Bones...

I woke up with warm tears burning my eyes and a truly pained frown:
Sticks and stones won't hurt my bones but words can bring me down...

I chocked up in words last night, I didn't know what to say or do...
Hearing your words of acid and poison, couldn't believe it's you!

How could we be so blind to others' feelings, how could we just ignore?
How could we just hurt and open wounds and simply walk out the door?

I wish I could just shut myself from the world, close my eyes, slip into an endless sleep,
By far these cuts bleed so much more than ever, I now understand that they are too deep!

To think you felt the need to explain all the things I knew with pointing fingers!
The echo of your voice resounds in my head, the hate in your tone still lingers!

I just wish that there will be mercy on my soul since I have a long day ahead,
I just wish I could erase the sorrow and take back in the tears that I shed!

Allow Me to Introduce Myselves to You...

I claim no fame, power or authority... That is something I have to make clear...
I just need you all to listen, very carefully, to everything I'm going to say here...

Whether it be day or night, at work, at home or out for fun,
May it be hot or cold, a rainy day or one blessed with sun...

I am many people living in one container called the body,
I maybe someone and might as well even be a nobody!

Therefore, after this brief introduction, allow me to introduce "myselves" to you!

A little girl with a heart so pure and untainted, simply wanting to run and play,
Mindless of the pains in the world, just living life carelessly day by day...

An angry rebel; trying hard to adapt to a world filled with misery and unjust,
Fighting for rights which have been unfairly taken, seeking answers in the dust!

An optimist with faith and hope that things will change to the better if I try,
Holding in the frustrations and smiling to the tears that slip from my eye...

A pessimist to the core, doubting everything and everyone around,
Fearing a sorrowful end with a chocked scream and a muffled sound...

I might smile all day but come the night I might break down in tears...
I might be confident at times while at others I might tremble in my fears!

Today I know what I want but tomorrow I might change my mind,
I might believe in love at many times although I know it is blind!

Moody and unpleasant I know I can be at any point of any day,
And I won't hide the pain I feel to avoid other people's dismay!

But overall, at least I know that I am many living in one,
That will never change, not after all the damages done!

**Special thanks to Tywak ( Break ) for the image...

Caution: Road Bump Ahead!

To someone who claims to have reached maturity at almost all levels, it seems to be rather juvenile to view the world in a multi-layered color scheme or to imagine that, with all the possible variable available, things will eventually turn out to be for my best interest.

Yet, I do!

Whether it be an insignificant action that causes a big problem and greater manifestations that ever expected with a family member or just simple unfulfilled expectations, which you promised yourself never to set, it feels as though we are constantly swimming upstream!

What I can't really grasp is the concept of "perfection", which seems to be the new trending topic of my days and what everyone is seeking to find in others while the truth of the matter remains to be: No one is perfect, no one can be perfect, and that is that!

Regardless of the efforts we invest in building ourselves to be strong, independent, well-rounded, caring intellectual givers, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, we are who we are: Mortal fragile human beings made of flesh, blood, emotions, contradictions and in some cases, a whole lot of pain that we need time as well as support to digest!

Sometimes, I wish...

Clumsily, I do sometimes wish that in life, people would have been more cautious and aware of their behaviors, which ended up causing me indescribable pain and disappointments. I wish I was a clean white slate with no aching past to get over, no haunted present to live and no sealed future to fear...

But that can never be, and I am mature enough to realize that...

What worries me though, is the duration it will take me to be "me" once again and the slight chance that that could actually happen...

And then again, the questions that arise are:

Do I really want to be "me" again? Is "me" good enough? Is "me" able to overcome the many road pumps in my coming past and fix the damages done due to the past bumps I have passed?

Maybe, maybe not...

All I am certain of now is that I'm shattered in a million directions like shreds of a bullet which exploded and landed everywhere yet nowhere in specific...

I surrender now to my weakness, if only for a few minutes, and allow my tears to gently run over the paths of my tired face...

Beirut

Paint Me A Home...

Paint me a home free from the cries of children frolicking through the unjust,
Color me a world where good deeds are a way of life and love is a must!

Draw me a garden where on the grass I could lay and rest my weary shoulders,
Take away all discrepancies and place me a lake with no sticks and no boulders!

Sing me a laughter to share with the sorrowful people of this big "bad" earth,
It might not make it all better but it can make a difference for what it's worth!

Play me a jolly tune to dance my fears away and drive aside the blues,
Kick off your burdens and look away while I put on my tapping shoes!

Write me a happy story to share with the women who suffered loss and despair,
Watch me hold the papers you wrote while I send them sailing in the crippled air!

Dribble me a thought that can change the way we judge those around,
Dribble it harder and carefully listen to its bounce as it hits the ground!

Catch me a smile if one passes you by while I am looking in the other direction,
Show me what it means to swim in passion and gladly drown in oceans of affection!

Hold me closer, so close that our heartbeats become one,
Let our love cheer for all those people living under the same sun!

Smoke: It's You That I Long to Be...

Darkness...

A match, a sparkle, a rather nauseating scent and the candle is lit...

And then there is light...

Two lovers in twine, or maybe even just a group of friends fighting the electricity cuts!

Whispers, laughs and cheers,
Or maybe a few whines and tears...

As the candle burns out with time, freeing the smoke!

Smoke: It's you that I long to be...

A short-lived existence, barely touched and never scarred or pained,
A sour sweet scent with nothing to be lost and nothing to be gained!

A faint dance in the air, a wiggle, a boogie and a silent groove with or without a beat,
No heart to get broken, no emotions to be tainted, no headaches and surely no feet!

In the shades of the darkness you could flourish and in the dark you could roam,
With no hunger for a soul mate, no craving for a change, no longing for a home!

Never lonely could you ever become,
No talk, no tears and no hum!

Smoke: It's you whom I long to be...

Void from disappointments, far from responsibilities and just plain and simple: free!

The Many Faces of Shapes!

Round and round in flat-shaped yet seemingly rounded circles I go,
Forgetting all I have ever learned and all that I once claimed to know!

I walk straight ahead, touching and bending the edges of the straight line,
Letting go of everything I once held on to and disowning what is now mine!

In a rather cubically malformed box I breathe in and out exhaustion and despair,
Playing a sad melody for all those who were eventually lost but were once there!

On the tip of a triangle I stand preparing to slide all the way down,
Squirming and twisting a frown into a smile and a smile into a frown!

The cylindrical room of disappointments is not a stranger to me any more,
It seems that if I don't bump into it by accident, I run knocking at its door!

Shrinking into Life... An Ode to Nature

For what it's worth, I must admit that today, if only for a couple of hours, I felt that I do belong... Not to a certain community, culture, background or a specific place, rather to something larger and more powerful than you and I: nature...

I found myself shrinking into life as the warm breeze playfully and yet sometimes violently tangled and untangled the curly locks of my hair and while the blazing sun's rays gently stroke my skin and gradually painted my cheeks with a blush of pure pink...

And as I sat there, thinking of everyone and everything and yet no one and nothing all at the same time, I felt nature reach out to me and try to make its presence felt on a higher and much elevated level... It teased me when I tried to overcome the whispers of its winds by raising its voice louder than the music that played on my phone, it played with me through sending its bees to get me up and running! It also sang to me, a mixed melody of a well-performed orchestra carried by the leaves of its trees, the sound of its inhabitants and the voices of those who once before came out there and cried to it for help and serenity...

At that moment, I wished I could be a part of nature, a tree, a leaf or maybe even a bug...

I wished that it'd possible to break the chains that held me in this shrunk form I feel I am in and break lose and just be...

I wished that I could melt into the ground and become the soil that those majestically standing trees depend on...

And then, due to life, the perfect scene came to an end and on the road back to the tall buildings and traffic jam I was... Reminiscing the silence of the unknown vs. the noise of what is...

The Dictionary of Words You Left Behind...

Selfish: is what you are; it perfectly describes what you do and say!
Insensitive: as you ask about my life wishing to hear about more dismay!
Ignorant: of how I left you behind when my emotions you choose to display!
Naive: to think that after the pain you caused there's more room for you with my heart to play!

Love: is what I gave you once upon a dream when I used to believe in you,
Anger: is what I feel when I hear your voice acting to care and claiming to be true!
Confusion: is no longer there since I know what I want and it can never be you!
Sorrow: has vanished from my life, the life which you painted in tears and colored in blue!

Away: is where I want you to be right now,
Alas: for you that your voice lost its power to stir up my emotions somehow,
Never: will I forgot how you made me falter and bow...
Foolish: to think that you can once again my feelings try to plough!

Celebrate: your final success of erasing who you were once to me,
Finally: I can say, with all confidence, from you I'm free... I'm free!

Daddy Dearest! (1)

Daddy Dearest...

I have loved and unloved you every single day since as long as I can remember,
I have thought about you every month from January of each year till December...

I have tried to wipe away the sorrow and hurt you caused every now and then,
I have tried to block myself from your memories, from your ongoing anger and pain!

I have worked hard to be stronger, better, more independent and less unsure,
I have been looking for a solution to the problems you caused, a permanent cure!

Daddy Dearest....

For as long as I can remember, you have been the sharpest thorn in the blossom of my days,
Since my childhood, you have, maybe unintentionally, caused me to falter in so many ways!

The walls of my memories are stained with images of the bad times you have put me through,
The raging blood in my veins, the clenched nerves, the trust issues, I owe them all to you!

Daddy Dearest...

I have told you over and over again, a father is way more than you have ever been or can be,
How low could the volume of my words be muted? How blind was your anger that you couldn't see?

The Things I Hate The Most...(1)

The things I hate the most are:

• Falling asleep or waking up with tears clouding my view.
• Eating alone.
• Losing trust in friendships, especially when it comes to those who were closer than family.
• Looking at my phone first thing when I get up and finding no messages.
• Being judged by those who never practice what they preach.
• Being accused of something I didn't do.
• Always feeling responsible for everyone I care about.
• Putting people first for the price of my own happiness.
• Being so angry and not being able to express it not even in words.
• Being underestimated.
• Seeing my mother cry.
• Being this sensitive and emotional and over analyzing every single thing in my life.
• Sending a message and waiting an eternity for a response.
• Being pushed to a level over my limits.
• Taking my responsibilities way too seriously.
• Trying to be strong no matter how weak I am.
• Spending hours thinking of whom I could call and find no one that I'd care to share with what I feel.
• The bad memories in my life.
• People who give up on things they claim they believe in.
• Being told to "chill" when I'm angry.
• People assuming they know me.
• Working so hard for something and failing to get it.

My Friend at Heart..

Whether you choose to talk to me or not, you will always be my friend at heart,
I miss you so much it hurts, as tears fall over my face and rips my smile apart!

How could you be so distant after the 5 years we were so close? Like family you were to me!
How could she have taken you that far away from what we used to be?

I respect your relationship, I'd have never come in between!
But seeing your wedding pictures by accident? What an imperfect scene!

Every little moment we shared: drinking coffee, driving around, talking, laughing and having fun!
All the times we were there for each other when everyone else chose to run!

I can't believe that a girl was the reason all those years were simply erased forever!
But really, now that our friendship is dead, I wish you both the best together!

Looking for A Home...(2)

I'm looking for a furnished home with the following specifications:

• 2 spacious bedrooms where love paints the walls, good memories are created and smiles echo in every corner.
• 1 cozy living room with couches that can comfortably accommodate family and friends, windows that welcome the rays of the sun with a new hope in the beginning of every day and curtains that will seal the anger of the sky on stormy nights.
  
• 1 kitchen with all the cooking accessories and a table in the middle with many chairs for one meal to bring us all together at least at lunch or dinner!
• A small garden where I can sit to write or just think, about happy times, and where roses tease me with their scent as soon as I step out and take a whiff of the cool breeze.
• A friendly neighborhood where morning greetings are a habit and not fake and where neighbors won't watch my every move, try to control me and mind their own business!
• A tolerating city in which I know I'm safe from eyes and judgments!
• A loving country which embraces me for everything that I am and everything that I can ever be...

If you can think of any place that matches this description, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Looking for A Home...(1)

Looking back, way back...
When I didn't have any white hairs whatsoever,
and my hair was still its natural color.
When I still bit my fingernails whenever I got frustrated,
and I had a low self-esteem that was inflated!
When I used to run around playing catch with the kids in our block,
and I only loved listening to only hip hop and rock!

Back then...
I was always looking for a home, somewhere I can belong to...
Searching for things in life that were real, that were true!
Never have I felt that regardless of where I was or with whom,
Every time something developed, there was a reason for wrong to bloom!

And now...
I still feel that I don't belong to any specific place or time,
When a blossom of hope flourishes I know a bell of sorrow will chime!
I still feel out of order, as if I am here by mistake,
As if falling into coma; not asleep neither am I awake!

I wish...
I wish I can find a place to call home and feel it from within,
A place where people's issues will not stoop my chin!
I wish I can feel at ease knowing that things will be fine,
Knowing, for a fact, there is no reason to frown or whine!

I ache...
In silence and unsaid words for I am too tired to speak,
My soul like crumbs of bread; traumatized and weak!

Your Love Was Holding Me Back...

I admit, it was not your fault or mistake that you held me back,
It was not your problem that loving you got my life off its track!

I know, it is not an excuse that I fell apart every single time we fought,
It is not acceptable how I let you sink me in sorrow with every blame you brought...

I understand, how I was under your command, pleading to hold your hand,
I see how it was never engraved in your heart just simply written on sand!

I realize, the distance that I kept from others in order to bring you respect was lame!
Since every single time you'd find some reason to blackmail me into blame!

I hesitate, yet I insist to erase you from deep within my existence,
Since mine to you never really made any significant difference!

I forget, almost, how we were together thinking foolishly that it was my life's master plan!
Believing that I was your girl and you definitely had to be my only man!

I hate, how every time I revisit a place of ours I feel so angry and enraged!
How my heart craved a love that was one-sided and to its emotions was jailed!

I write, in efforts to release your poison out of my system, but this time for good!
Your words no longer tingle my senses, not the way they used to or they should!

My Loneliness., I Call Your Name...

Someone once said, “Loneliness is full of life,” but I beg to differ:

My loneliness you became…
No words to be spoken, no reasons to cast blame…

My loneliness in a world so unbelievably cruel,
You lay the foundation and you make every rule!

My loneliness and I breathe your last words in despair,
Wondering, pondering, questioning, did you ever really care?

My loneliness you blend within the past with an ache,
Never thought that my heart was able to falter again and break!

My loneliness I call your name in the midst of my confusion,
Asking you for an answer to how this, all of it, could have been an illusion?

My loneliness and I know I could have been the one,
But then again I didn’t play by the book, I didn’t set like the sun…

My loneliness how I miss you even though you’ve been gone not too long,
I pray for you in silence, I write an angry poem, I sing a grieving song…

My loneliness and I swear to you I am strong and my will is of steel,
Yet you refused to let me drive, you always held on to the wheel!

My loneliness as the wind touches my skin and I tremble,
Tears dance in my eyes and I fight hard not to surrender…

My loneliness like a sweet sugared dream,
Strawberry coated, chocolate glazed with a touch of cream!

My loneliness your scent I swear I miss,
Your long day’s sweat, your aura, its bliss…

My loneliness forgive me, for I have fell too fast,
Clumsily believing that anything deep must eventually last…

My loneliness maybe one day, and maybe not,
I just hope this bleeding will be covered up and clot!

My loneliness this is the longest I have written in a long long time,
I insist that what I felt, how I felt it, could not be mistaken with a crime!

My loneliness I thought I found you, the answer I was looking for,
After I searched under every tree, above every window and behind every door…

My loneliness I march to the beat of my heart’s fainting desires,
I feel a stabbing twinge as I try to put out your endless fires…

My loneliness and the world around me stares with wondering eyes,
How could SHE be this lonely? How could SHE let herself be devoured by sighs?

My loneliness and I feel the stream of never ending words in my mind,
Could emotions be this deceitful? Could feelings be this blind?

My loneliness as the music plays so close to my ears,
As I scream in silence and I shout in confusion words that no one hears!

My loneliness how I crave just a touch of your warm hand here and now,
A kiss on the cheek, a glance through the eyes, a caress that would never end somehow…

My loneliness I used to long to know you in everything you are and maybe,
You managed to stir whirls of emotions and move mountains inside of me…

My loneliness not even a friend can you truly ever become,
To those eyes and feelings I will always kneel, bow and succumb!

My loneliness there’s so much hollowness left by your absence,
Though in this life there are always many options and billions of chances…

My loneliness you could’ve been so close, forever sacred, eternally dear…
You could’ve reshaped the planets, relit the stars, harbored oceans by just being near…

My loneliness like a phantom organ you will remain here within me,
Memories of your face have the strength to keep me chained and never set me free…

My loneliness, my forgotten smile, my never-ending hesitation,
A mind so jumbled burdened with untaken decisions bigger than God’s creation!

My loneliness last night I used to bleed but now the bleeding has stopped,
The weight I carried upon my shoulders, after this piece, just simply dropped!

My loneliness with a beautiful inner child that needs to be held tight,
I will leave you with these words to cradle you through the lonely night…

I Bleed You...

I bleed you...
Like a sickness, like a cancer, like an infected tumor,
I hate your name, I hate your face, I hate your humor,
I should have run faster, docked lower, realized sooner!

I bleed you...
When the rage builds up inside of me as soon as I feel well,
When I think of all our crappy stories I will live to tell,
When I think of how I loved you yet wished you "farehell"!!

I bleed you...
Memories clenched inside of me like needles and pins,
Of endless fights where each of us loses and none of us wins,
Heart throbbing, nerves clashing while the head spins!

I bleed you...
Like a wounded soldier returning from a battle that was lost,
Scraped out of reality, hating love and disgusted by lust,
Wrapped with ticking bombs and echoes of dust!

I bleed you...
Colors of red, green, yellow, brown and a pinch of blues,
Different intensities, various shades and multiple hues,
In this blood I soak, I choke, I gag, I smother and I infuse!

I bleed you!
Inside and out I bleed and bleed,
All my warnings of scarring you did not heed,
Please don't beg for mercy, I hate watching you plead!

A Song for Life!

Hear the heart heating up in flames,
Calling a call for the lost names!

See the scene of sins and signs,
Feel the feelings felt from whines!

Play a play with life so dear,
Touch the touch of one so near!

Smile with the smiling willows,
Raise the tears off your pillows!

Reach out to nature, bathe in its bliss,
Tease your spirit with a joyful kiss,

Be alive, be fair and stay true,
Only then you will find out the real you!

The Allegory of the Circle!

Somewhere across the hollow horizons, in places that we don’t see, life is going on. Things are in constant motion and the world is spinning, never will it stop to wait for anyone!

Sometimes, our own little world pauses, it takes a break from what is going on outside. Though we live in 2008, our little world seems to be still stuck in an earlier year, refusing to continue with its normal cycle! The calendar for others is on the move yet ours is invariable.

We look around to see that everything we have loved, the things we cherished and valued most are now so forward in time and there is no way to reach them anymore! We try to run, faster and faster, only to figure out we are running in circles! We call out, no one can hear us, our voices are muted in the noise of the present that we have been left out from and the future which seems so far-fetched!

Circles… Life is all about circles! A circle is one of the most basic forms of graphic design yet a great determinant of our life’s design!

We live in a world of circles where people are divided according to factors such as education, race, religion, social class, etc… These circles sometimes allow their inhabitants to move forward, sometimes they hold them back and sometimes they just preserve them, like mummified animals, in the moment they are in!

When these circles collide, they cause havoc! When they are breached, they cause pain!

And just like the jungle, the rule that governs our lives is: Survival of the fittest!

Alas the great minds and hearts doomed into the oblivion of ignorance, pushed back in the pages of history…